my so called life
2001-04-08 01:11:36 (UTC)

Wow, I m writing again..

Wow, I'm writing again already.. this is craaazyness :D
I'm a little more happy than I was earlier.. which is good,
very good :)
Lucy and I watched a chick flick, Shakespear in love, to be
precise... I know it's kinda old, but none of us had seen
it.. It was quite sweet, actually, but we were sort of
hoping it would make us cry, which it didn't :D
Maybe that's just as well.. *laughs*
We had fun, I like hanging out with her.
About 22.30 I got a phonecall from my friend Steve. He is
Lucy's neighbor and he was having a party tonight, boys
only. I didn't like him calling, since one of my
bestfriends is his girlfriend. Lately I've been noticing
that he seems to like me a bit too much. I didn't really
believe it until Lucy told me that Steve had told Ben that
he wants to break up with his girlfriend and get together
with me. I think it's terrible. I don't have any feelings
for Steve, and he should really not have any feelings for
me either. Sometimes love sucks bigtime...
Anyway, he called, and he had been drinking. When he found
out I was at Lucy's, he and his friend Tom wanted to come
over. I told them not to, since Lucy's mom was home and
they were kind of drunk. But that's not the only reason.
Not only did I not want to see Steve, but Tom's really a
softspot in my life.. we've been flirting a lot, though I
know he has a girlfriend. I've been feeling bad about it,
cause I hate people who flirt with someone elses
boy/girlfriend. But there's just something special with
Tom.. He so charming.. I don't really think he's that hot,
and in the beginning I liked him just as a friend. But he
is always telling me how much he likes me and stuff, and
everyone says he acts like he doesn't have a girlfriend.
But he does, and they've been together almost three years.
So I've behaved and kept our relationship platonic. But
this summer we were at a party, and both of us had a little
too much to drink. He didn't leave my side all night, and
before I knew it we were kissing. Not good, not good. Only
a few kisses, but anyway.. after that I felt really bad,
and I guess I kind of avoided him for a while.. We've
really lost contact, and I regret it very much. We've
talked about it and I've told him that I'm not okay with us
kissing, and he said he's not either, and that he'd like us
to be friends again. But everything's changed and I feel
guilty every time we talk. He's still being all flirty, but
it's just too weird. The problem is that he still can make
my knees all shaky just by smiling at me.. I'm not in love
with him though, I never was, really.
Uups, guess I got kind of off track, here.. :) My point was
uh.. I didn't want the boys to come over to Lucy's. And
then Tom got on the phone, yelling and stuff,trying to be
funny and telling me to come over. I got really mad and
hung up because the only time he calls is when he's
drinking and I don't really know what he's after. And they
interrupted my movie!!
So it was just me and Lucy all night, and that was nice.
The bus home was really crowded, it was no fun at all.
Almost everyone was drunk and then the bus stopped and the
police came and stuff.. It sucked, all I wanted was to get
home. I can't wait til I'm 18 and get my driver's license..

It's sooo late now.. but I'm not going to shcool any time
soon :) Better go to bed anyway..

Good night :)