Thoughts from Blue Angel
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2001-12-20 17:16:00 (UTC)

Semester #1

Well, I've survived my first semester of college life. It
was pretty awesome. Of course, it had it's ups and downs,
but I prefer the ups and downs of college much much more
than those of high school!

Looking back, I realize that I feel like a completely
different person than what I was just 4 months ago. I'm
more relaxed, and I'm having TONS more fun. Little Miss
Uptight Goodie-Goodie has taken a back seat and I've
learned to have more fun without going completely wild.
So, yeah, I drink every once in a while now, but only on
weekends and never so much that I'm completely wasted. And
even though I had a lot of fun that my mother would not
approve of this semester, I still managed to do a damn good
job on Student Senate and pull off a 3.75 GPA.

I am so much more confident! (And why shouldn't I be? I'm
awesome!!!) That confidence is a large part of the
relaxation. I'm not self-conscious; I'm comfortable with

Of course, I can't go without mentioning the downs. Most
of my best friends on my floor at the beginning of the year
are now hardly friends at all. I never see the guys I hung
out with in the beginning. I haven't met anyone yet who
seems to be a stable friend I'm going to be able to count
on in the long run. A few times, I was just ready to
transfer. But after looking at other colleges and thinking
about what it would be like to leave, I know that I love my
school. I'm just going to have to give it time before I
make those right relationships.

As for guys, it's been a horrible semester. Of course,
there was Adam who I drove 100 miles to see, slept with
him, just to find out that he had a girlfriend the next
morning. Then, there was the other Adam... I still have
no idea exactly what happened there. Don just didn't seem
overly interested after a while, and we just stopped
hanging out eventually.

Tyler.... Well, Tyler's the hardest one to swallow. I was
sure it was going to last for at least a while. Turns out
we were only together a month. It still hurts, even after
almost a month and a half. I was absolutely crazy about
him. On top of it all, he was my best friend, and now it's
going to take a lot of work to regain that.

And now there's Brad. (In case you haven't read my previous
entries about him, his real name is- you guessed it- Adam.
I just didn't want to get more confusing with another
Adam.) This one is different. We've been talking since
right before I left for school, and he's really an awesome
guy to spend time with. There's no technical committment,
but we have a lot of fun. I'm sure most people wouldn't
approve, but right now, I don't really care whether other
people approve or not. It's not cheap, and it's not
meaningless, but it's not serious. I'm ok with that.

So, of course, things weren't perfect this semester. They
never will be. But it was a wonderful experience, and it
changed my life completely. I can't wait to see what next
semester has in store.