2001-12-20 01:36:50 (UTC)

Given You Too Much Thought

Thinking hurts lately. Although the only time I get a
chance to be by myself and reflect on things is when I take
a shower. And then all I think about is sad things that
make me upset. I should denounce thinking altogether. It's
a terrible habit. Along with thought comes self-torture,
and over-analyzation of trivial things, two things I don't
need part of my life right now. I wish I could just take
things for what they appear to be, as naive as that is.
Ignorance is bliss. What's so bad about being naive? Why do
I have to question everything, search for alterior motives,
read into everything people say to me? Why do I take
everything so seriously? Why can't I be a vegetable?

Ah, loneliness. I'm surrounded by people yet I still feel
all alone, and strangely satisfied by it. Even the people I
thought were the most selfless have become self-absorbed
lately, all they want to talk about is themselves. Not that
I'm a saint. I'm as bad as the rest of them. I'm also a
hypocrite. I think that makes me even worse. I wish I had
the power to read minds. Although I think that would drive
me insane after a while. Certain thoughts are better kept
to oneself. I know I sure as hell wouldn't want people
seeing what's in my brain. I definitely wouldn't have half
the amount of friends I have now. They'd either be severely
offended, or they'd think I'm a complete and utter psycho
and would be afraid to talk to me ever again. I don't think
I'm as crazy as I think I am. Or maybe I think I'm crazier
than you think I am...or maybe you're the crazy one and I'm
completely sane. The fact that I'm even thinking about this
makes me a total lunatic. If only there were a big "OFF"
button in the middle of my forehead that would make me stop
thinking for a while. But would I ever think to
turn it back on? I'd have to get someone else to do it for