lily's journal
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2001-12-20 01:27:04 (UTC)

yup, this is it...

so this is my first time doing anything like this before,
but i figure, i'm on my laptop all the time anyways, so why
not have a journal on here too. plus, i just like writing,
or in this case, typing things out, just to get things off
my mind.
so, what happened at ledyard high school was
kind of uneventful. hmm, had forensics this morning first
period. that's always a blast just because i love
forensics. i'm thinking i might have a pretty good chance
of getting into that topic as a career, like a forensic
detective or something. that would be amazing. hrm, in that
class we just did another lab, my friend and i, adam. he's
a cutie. listened to another friend of mine complain about
his bro's girlfriend. blah blah blah. then i went on to
second period, accounting. woohoo. i kinda like it, it's a
lot different from all the other math credits that i've had
to take. but it's good because i absolutely suck at all
math. and i'm actually getting this stuff, so it's all
good. and a lot of my friends are in that class with me. i
think the people i'm closest to, would have to be, blair,
nick, pat, and dillon. they're awesome. especially blair
and nick, they kill me everyday. blair is just a great guy
and is a good guy to be friends with because he's always
optomisitc and cool about everything. and nick, nick just
cracks me up everyday. he's awesome. and i'm a giggler, so
i love laughing a lot. um, and i also like that class
because i actually understand what we're doing, and it
isn't a common thing to know really what's going on,
especially in my life, especially in school. lol. then
lunch. and lunch is always a really good time of the day.
just get to hang out with friends and talk. i eat with
charlie, fabio, daina, and chris at lunch, and i wander
around that area, in the 600's a bit. go talk to matt and
craig, go and talk to zach, casey and tyler. talk to nick
and his little gang when the wander by. it's just an all
around good time. get to laugh, be loud, which i'm very
good at, and just get to get things out. anything that
bothering me, and i get to hear daina bitch at random
people, so it's a fun time. and that just made me think of
something so i'm gonna trail off for a minute. i'd hate to
think that i'm one of those awefull people who makes fun of
others just for the helluva it. because i saw this show on
mtv, flipped, and they took these "bullies" and put them in
a 'geeks' spot in school, and it was horrible. just to
think that those people get picked on everyday, for what?
just cuz they're dorky? that's horrible. and they made a
point to say on the show that the kids that get picked on
and bullied in school are the ones who shoot up the school
later in events like Columbine. so i always try to make an
effort to talk to people who walk or eat alone, or just
look like they're miserable. cuz i know what's it's like to
be alone, and it sucks. and sometimes all ya need is
someone there to talk to you about stuff. but i'm not
saying that i dont' make fun of people cuz i do. and i know
i shouldn't, but i do. but it's not like the people that
most do, i make fun of the popular kids. the really popular
kids who think they're better than you for unknown reasons.
cuz they have money? ya, whatever. i'll be more successful
than them just because i DON'T think like that. and i make
fun of those who make fun of others, random people, just to
make them, or try to make them feel what those kids do. and
of course, i make fun of those that give me shit. like my
best bud's ex, krystal. can NOT stand that snooty little
custy. she walks by me and him and says "ho ho ho ho". oh
man. and he's totally not, but she really really is. and
then when her and her little friend started laughing at
me?...oh it's on. we really have it out for each other.
oooh man. she gets to me. and her hair is sooo nasty. she
dyed it like pitch black and always has it the same way, it
looks like a plastered on wig. lol. anyways, enough
bitching about her, she's really not worth it. ya, so back
on track, lunch is one of the best times of the day. then
what, oh ya, i went to concert choir. i have a lot to say
about that. concert choir is supposed to be the second best
during school choir. but, people take choir for the credit,
and not for the love of music and singing. and i'd say that
like sixty percent of the kids in there do actually like to
sing, but the other forty percent are punks and make the
class shit. and you can see it in mr. hammond's face that
he just wants to get rid of the kids that don't want to be
there because they're bringing down the rest of the group.
and hammond is quite possibly the most caring man i have
ever met in my life. he cares so much about every single
kid in every single choir. and it still amazes me that
people can't see it. why does he get so frustrated during
class? because he can't stand to see kids not respect each
other and him while he's trying to teach the ones that want
to learn about music and that want to sing. like me. and of
course everyone misses spillane, even the ones who didn't
really know him, just the ones who knew he was the one who
made us one of the best choirs. and ham-dawg's system is so
much different than of spillane's, a lot of people can't
get used to it. when spillane was here, people were afraid
to talk because most had seen his angry fits. and he makes
it known to people to RESPECT EACH OTHER AND HIM. and
hammond's theory is that if you like singing and music
enough, it'll just come naturally, you'll love to sing and
to learn about it, so you'll shut up and do your best and
have fun everytime we have class. and he's all about
the 'giving to the audience' theory. which i've never
really had to deal with before, but i gotta say, it's a
damn good theory. cuz i know when i'm sitting there at a
concert, i want to be entertained and surprised and what-
not. and i'm pretty sure that most other people think that
too. so why is it that when we get up on stage we don't put
on happy faces and actual expressions that go with the
songs, when we're supposed to be entertaining those
watching? and i wish other people could see that! if just
once, just once all of concert choir did that, i think hamm-
dawg would like pee himself or cry or something, maybe do
kart-wheels around the room. he's always happy, always. and
i just wish we as a choir could just shut up and pull it
together, so he can actually be happy with what he's doing
for us, to actually see that we love singing for people. ya
know? hrm. but than again, i'm one of those dorky people
that loves to just give and give and give to people, and
i'm sure some people have had the ideas that i have, but
i'm positive most don't, whether it's because they're
pesimistic, or just jerks. i dunno. but i just so wish we
can pull together and be just completely kick ass for pops
concert. anyways, then from choir, i go to u.s. history. i
really like learning about history, especailly ours. but
i'm not a very studious person, so, ya, i get like average
grades in that class. minikowski is our teacher, and he was
in vietnam. and i'm also a dork because i love reading and
learning about our past war times, and i just have a lot of
respect for this guy. i know that he saw hell on earth over
there, and for him to be teaching about it? geez. major
props. major. and now that we're at that time in the book
where we're actually learning about the stuff that went on
over there, i wonder how in God's name can he actually be
teaching about it? doesn't he just want to like break down
and cry about it? i know i would. slaughtering harmless
villages, killing many many civilians, mostly women, old
men, and children? how? i just can't understand how people
possess that man power, and mental stability, or lack there
of, to do things like that. those are human lives. ick. but
i really love learning about ww2 the best. my best girl
friend, sam, is jewish and i always ask her questions about
stuff from the concentration camps and her family's history
and stuff. and i'm sure she gets sick of me asking so much.
lol, but i'm curious! i think i've read "night" by ellie
weisel like four or five times by now. i'm now reading some
of his autobiographies and what-not. he's a concentration
camp survivor. and he brings up a lot of good points. like
some think that people should just forget about something
like that just because it was such a horrible time period,
but he feels that it would be betraying is heritage, his
family and religion if he didn't write about it. like he
has to. and it's so amazing the things that he went
through, and that he's still mentally healthy enough to be
writing and publishing all of his experiences over there. i
think if i had to deal with something even remotely close
to that, i would've killed myself. i'm really not that
strong emotionally, or mentally. i think. i don't think
i'll ever know the real truth about that until i get into a
situation that tests it. anywho...what else what else. i
know i have more things to say. wow this is really going to
improve my typing skills. lol. hmm. well, i'm going out
with like the greatest guy ever. and it really is amazing
that he's in my life right now, because after that crash
and burn experience for 2 and a half years with dumbass
jimmy wren, i'm glad that i could just take that whole
mess, say that it was a mistake, and i could've done
better, and it's his loss, i'll write more about that
later. but now, i'm going with a guy named tim. a really
awesome guy who appreciates me for me. and that's pretty
hard to find, especially at my age, in this area. he's so
sweet to me, sooooo good looking, perfect amount muscles,
he goes up and beyond my awesome abb fettish, he's funny,
has the same kina sense of humor as me, sarcastic like me,
really playfull like me, amazing kisser, exactly how i like
to, he's just amazing in everyway. amazing. "sigh" and he's
not afraid of pda which is such a good thing because i'm
all about the pda. i don't understand why people don't like
it. anyways. hrm. i think i'm gonna wrap this thing up. i
think it was a good first entry. i'm likin it. anywho, i'm
gonna go check out other people's entries. i'll hopefully
have the time to write tomorrow as well. there's a coffee
house tomorrow night at our school, and me and my tim are
goin, so i'll see if i can write sometime. catch ya later,
peace. ~meg

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