Kessa

Psychiartist Garden
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2001-12-19 20:34:18 (UTC)

Dicken's Day

Today was kinda like a dream...
I mean first of all, it started out with the whole dicken's
day experience. The image of seeing all the boys, esp
richard, dressed up in ties and stuff, makes me think i am
dreaming. And english room looks like it's 18..something
and the food tasted like that too. Well, i was really
giddy..don't kno why. But i sat next to richard and david,
cas boys were suppose to be next to woman. And i was
dressed in my favorite clothes, my red little shirt and
black skirt...i thouught i looked pretty, but then again, i
think not. N-eways, there were candles, and it was
dark...very romantic. Too bad, i had no one ...So yea i
served my fish dish to everyone..and some people were rude
enough to reject it. Anyhow, nick asked Yulia to marry him.
Can you beleive it? Okay, i kno it was all a joke, lol no
one is getting married in real life, esp not in eng class,
but the fact that he asked her, and popped out a ring and
all, it made me feel so ugly. I don't know how to say it. I
hate Yuli, not cas she is with nick, but because, she is so
nice. I mean, i talked to her once or twice, and she was
always so nice. But she is so confident and smart too. The
thing is she is not even attractive. What does she has,
that i don't. A fat tummy...i will say. But that's not the
point, the point is, she is not attractive, but she is
shining. You kno, she has this confidence about her. It's
the way she carry herself. She acts like she is the most
attractive thing in the world. She acts like, she knos
everyone and everything. She acts like a supermodel, with
her blubbery body. And that's what i hate about her. i
can't believe she is happy and confident with herself. I
mean, i am like skinner, way skinner than her, but i would
never wear the things she does. I will never walk the way
she does, and that's why nick will never fall in love with
me. Damn..i am falling for him again. No, i am not falling
for him. I don't think he is attractive, i will never think
of him that way, again. But I am still hurt by him. The
more he flirts with other, i less of a person i feel. I
mean nick and her are dating. Today in eng, they took a
picture today...they both looked so happy....and she's not
even thin!!! Ahhh!!!!! What is going on? So guess what..i
talked a lot ...a lot..i acted like i was drunk..Richard
kept me company. And then when it came time for dancing, i
didn't want to dance. But nick was like..come on phyusin,
dance...well that's when i had it with him..so guess
what...i told him to go screw himself..Everyone at my table
were shocked..they were like..what the hell...and the
teacher heard it too. Wow, the anger came out..i was so
shocked..i am always nice to everyone at school. I am never
angry..and yet i let it go..i let..it out...ha ha..he
totally deserved it. He was very shocked...so was
everyone..i apoligize to Ms.Baugher but not him..never...i
meant it...he has no right to come and talk to me. He has
no right to pretend to be my frined. He is not my friend.
He only listened to my problems cas he got no one else in
his life. I am nothing to him. Whatever. It was for all the
times he hurt me....like today..in my face...asking her to
marry him...loser...:( richard knew how sad i was, and he
kept telling me to chill out, to stop looking at his pic
wit her...he knew...but i finally danced..not with
richard..of course..never. I danced with eric, pretened to
be happy...I made richard and angelica danced together. Cas
she thought he was hot...another weird thing..richard..hot?
can't answer that question, it's like asking if ur brother
is hot...everytime someone say that...i feel so
uncomfortable..and i am like...um...i dunno..i
guess...Angelica said she never seen him that hot
before...and i am like..ok....i dunnoo..what do i say..he
is ricahrd...well, i made them dance..she was happy..i
talked about old times wit him...oh and he is going
somewhere wit candice on firday..instead of the
formal...good for him..good for everyone...well, i will go
drown in my sadness for now...my usless
life....


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