Dick Doomsday

Pathetic Punk
2001-12-19 07:39:03 (UTC)

My Eyes Are Bleeding

Well, okay my eyes aren't bleeding but they sure as hell
feel like it. My eyes are so sore from crying. I guess
that's the price of being overly sensitive.

Well, notify the newspapers! I actually talked to Mark
yesterday. It was an odd conversation. It was so hard to
talk to him. It was like talking to a complete stranger,
but then again with a stranger,i wouldn't have been so
overly cautious of what i said. I didn't really know what
to say. All i wanted to hear was a clear explanation of
what happened and why. I think he may have said it at some
point of the conversation but I don't really remember. I
was too busy hurting inside. Anyways, i remember he said he
had to go. He told me to call him today, I said, "why is it
that i have to put forth so much effort? Why do I have to
call you?" and he said, "Ok. I'll call you at 7:30." Well
today I had to go to my brothers recital. but i didn't go
because i was going to wait for Marks call. It figures. He
didn't call. I waited until 8:30 but still no call. That
hurt alot. I cried for about an hour. The whole time
repeating what Jessica told me this morning. "He's not
worth my tears." The problem is, that he is. I care alot
about him. He was my best friend. Just saying that, "He WAS
my bestfriend", makes the tears well up in my eyes. I am
miserable without him. And i told him that. I guess he
wants me to be miserable. But thats just my explanation for
this all, since i am lost. I don't know. All i do know is
that i hurt all the time now. And that everytime I think of
him I cry.

Mark,if you read this: I NEED YOU. PLEASE TALK TO ME.

Well, anyways, i went to school today. I got another class
to finish over x-mas break. Since i am doing American Sign
Language at City College next Semester, I only need one
more elective (since College classes count for double
highschool credit) i just need one more. I choose "On My
Own", only because it was the easiest. Then i went to turn
in my Chem Final. My chem tacher really likes me. He can
see that i am actually really smart. And he said that if i
ever need any help with geting into college and stuff that
he has alot of "hook-ups". Thats cool. He's a cool teacher.
he made me feel good about myself. I needed that.

Anyways, i went to point loma today. I saw Eve. Thats how
desperate i got without Mark, that i "ran" back to Eve.
Anyways, i saw some other old friends. I miss them so much.
I also met some of Eve's new younger friends. Two of them
are cool. This one dude Shane and this other guy Jack.
They're hilarious. And then me and Eve spent some time
outside playing Hack. That was cool. (even though i really
suck at it)

My brother showed up at the Library around 4. He's growing
up. I thought he'd be this huge dork but he's actually
pretty cool. I think its cuz he has a SUPER COOL SISTER.
what do you think? All his friends are fascinated with me.
Its funny. They all ask me to bleach and dye their hair
(cuz i always do my brother's hair) and they ask me to take
them shopping at Hot Topic (cuz their parents won't take
them there). I think it's cool. (oh my god! my brother has
a girlfriend and he actually told me!!!!!) thats even
cooler.

Anyways, tomorrow i am going x-mas shopping with Deanna. I
guess she's comming around 3:30. That's cool. It will help
me ease my mind for a few hours. I was sopossed to go out
with friends on Friday. Then i changed my plans cuz my
friend jess wanted to go party in T.J. Well I said i would
go with her, even though i don't drink, but i guess she has
to work friday so now i have no plans. Oh well. I know i'll
probably just go with Lexi again.

Well....tomorrow i am getting up super early to finish all
my homework. Well at least thats my goal. I know i'll just
end up watching t.v. or goofing off on the comp or writing
some more songs or picking my nose and flicking my boogers
at innocent by-standers....i'll see what i feel like. well
i am off to bed. G'Night all.




Ad: