jillian

men's night out

today was the busiest day at work... it was our men's night
out and we made $5,420... i was cashiering from 5 to 10...
it was so hectic... but work is such a minor part of my
life... it's getting really hard... it's closer to the
holidays and i miss guy more than ever... i remember this
time last year... i shopped in this stupid hip hop shop for
2 hours picking out the perfect ($200) outfit for him (like
i have $200 dollars to spend on anyone)... he said it was
the nicest gift anyone ever bought him... then on christmas
day he called me from a payphone... he was upset about
something... i never really understood how people said it
gets harder for them around the holidays... missing people
and thinking about christmases in the past... but i guess he
was really depressed... he had me pick him up from a gas
station after a family party... and he was almost in
tears... he wanted me to come over... he made me lay in his
arms so he could just hold me... i guess i was all he really
HAD to hold on to...

sad really...

he didn't buy me anything for christmas though... and i was
ok with it (?) he never bought me anything for christmas,
valentine's day, my birthday (he didn't even call) sweetest
day... nothing... over the course of three years...

sad really... sad that i do love the fucker... i wish he was
here now...

oh the pathetic lives i have led