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2001-12-19 02:01:37 (UTC)

i've been getting away from writing to you. it makes me
feel better in an odd sort of way. like sucks and i'm
failing school. my teacher caught me cheating off this wise
guy who sits in front of me. i got another o. and tomorrow
i have more exams. 3 people wrote me saying they read my
diary and some stuff like that. so thanks. it kinda made my
day in a pathedic sorry way. they all asked how old i was
so just for information i'm only 14, but feel like 25 and
been through a life of shit. i sat down today with a piece
of paper and pen. and all these poems just flowed out. i
had no clue what i was writing or why or what i was
feeling. it was the oddest thing. but when i was done i
read through it all, and was shocked when i read it. it
said stuff like theres demons in the room, and i'm cursed
and a lot about killing and an evil god. it was really
freaky.i have no clue what they mean. maybe i'll write some
of my poems in here sometime. only one of my friends are
talking to me. i guess no one has time. i hate poeple so
much. i wish there was a way to express my hate for people
without going to jail. its like, whats the purpose of
becoming friends with someone, i mean, where is that
friendship going to go? and are you going to keep in touch.
i'm never going to get married or have kids. i'm never
going to fall in love. i won't allow myself. chelsi got in
a fight with her parents today before school. her eyes were
all puffed, and i asked if my uncle hit her. she said no,
and was going around asking straingers for hugs because she
was "lonly" what the fuck! heres this girl suposibly my
best friend who is so popular and has every guy after her,
and shes saying shes lonly and has no friends even though
theres a crowd of people fallowing her and wanting to hug
her too. what about me? here i am all alone. its just like
that time when my last bestfriend hung herself to death and
chelsi who didn't even know her was going around the school
crying saying she had just lost her best friend! she didn't
even know MY friend. and people were feeling so sorry for
her, and were giving her hugs, while i cried too, and was
upset. but did anyone come and comfert me?no. she hardly
spoke to me today, and my other friends- not rachel, but
everyone else ignored me. and chelsi is feeling bad? i just
don't understand. maybe i'm selfish, but don't i have the
reply and tell me what you think