sweetaddiction

i had an amazing talk with..

i had an amazing talk with shaun today.
we talked emphaticlly for almost 3 hours.
then i came home and had a great talk with shannon.
so far..
today/night has been great.
"ammaaazziinnnggg" hehe. aom.
i get that back soon...im excited.
im going to see my baby tonight.
and hopefully all will be well with that.
im in a great mood. i hope work is going well for her.
i am sleepy though.
i want to take a nap before i drive all the way there.

i need to write in here about jatin and about all of the
weirdness with that.

i dont know.
seeing those people was...
hard.
it really fucking was.
so much has changed with me.
but...not with them.
i guess subconsciencely i kind of figured that.
but i really saw it..
i felt almost like i was balancing two lives that night.
my life now.
with my life then.
jatin kept bringing up shit.
shit i didnt even half remember.
and...
it made me sad.
"this girl and i went through so much shit together"
and we really did.
i guess i try not to think about stuff like that too much.
how close i was to him and christina and...other people.
stefaine.
barron.
i mean. everyday friends.
and i think part of me still misses them.
a whole lot.
but...whether or not he saw it that night.
or anyone saw it.
ive changed.
im not the same person at all.
and...i cant go back to who i was then.
i wouldnt want to.
but at the same time...i miss it.
he called me today too.
from alli's
he was horny. like always.
and saying stupid shit.
stupid shit that a year ago...or more.
i wouldnt have thought twice about.
i would have been all about.
and he wanted me to do something and said no.
that i couldnt. because i have a girlfriend.
and he didnt understand that.
i guess i shouldnt have expected him to.
i should have known better.
but...
yeah.
i love him so much. i love them all so much and i feel
almost as if ive betrayed them
first by breaking off all contact the them
and then by changing
because i hate it when people i know change
and...
i dont know.
i just dont know what to think about all of it.
its just hard and confusing and weird.
and im sad.
im sad about it.
although i had a good time
im sad.