MsKarma

american hero

hey katy-jane,
u said ud email me about the "thing", as u so put
it, and since i didnt get any such email i figured id
take the initiative. like i said on the phone, i cant
stop thinkin about u, in fact, i havent been able to
stop thinkin about u since that day i came and sat
with yall in art class and hence the first day i
started to get to know u. when i got here, one of the
major things that kept me goin was bein able to see u
again.
while ive been here ive had quite a bit of time to
think about all sorts of things and this is one of
them that ive thought of awhile. u sayin these things
about ur family having these problems with
relationships is valid and taken into consideration
when i say i think u and i would have, if nothing
else, a load of fun together. wow, im a loser...sittin
here havin to WRITE this instead of actually be there
to SAY it to u, well...under the circumstances this is
all ive got.
when i wrote that what i was sayin in the letter
might be from exhaustion i was wrong, ive felt this
way for quite awhile, like ive said.
i know this might be alot to take and pretty sudden
to u but to me ive been sittin on this for awhile and
i began to think about what u said to me one time on
the phone."if u dont love urself how can anyone else?"
im applying by taking the fact that im doing something
here that ive never done before and just wingin it so
hopefully ill get feedback relatively similar to my
input into the situation. holy gees...ive got to be
the lamest guy talkin like this is a technical thing,
well i have an alaby since i think of just about
everything in technical terms. wait, im not lame, im a
guy askin a girl that he's been interested in for a
hell of a long time and never had the guts to do
anything about out to dinner, thats not lame.
i know this sounds kind of forceful and i apologize,
i sincerely dont intend this to be read that way, this
place has just given me a different way of talking and
writing than i had and to some it may sound kinda
mean. however it sounds i really am askin if ud like
to get some grub when i get back and get to know each
other in a different way than we know each other
already.
whatever ur response is im fine with it because
either way ive got one of the greatest people on this
planet as a close friend and how many people are able
to truthfully say that like i can? and if u are
interested i can assure u that uve never been treated
better since id always be there like i am now for
anything and everything.
like i said katy-jane, i love u dearly and always
will. write me back and ill talk to u then.

Steve-Paul
P.S. dont hesitate to answer either way, i hope u know
that any response would be welcome but the fact
remains that ull always be in my loving thoughts.

to which i responded

awww.. paul sorry i forgot to write... i dont; knwo whats
wrong with me, i had full intentions or writing you, it
just slipped my mind... but... that email, well...blah.. id
like to call, but its too late.. i dont; knwo paul... it
not good with words and we saw this killer moevie tongiht,
and im not at my most articulate right this second...that
email made me feel really good, it ... qualified me as a
person, you know? and it made me smile, it really did...im
re-reading that email, and you know something funny? hehe,
makes me laugh just thinking baout it... one of the first
times you sat with us in art, i was drunk.. jessica had
brought bourbon in a watter bottle, or vodka ro soemthing,
and we'd been drinking for like, 2 hours... thats makes me
smile, i mean, those arent good habbits, but its kinda
funny you know? the "good ole days", so to speak... but,
gees paul.. i dont; know... ive never really been faced
with a situation liek this before, and true, my famil does
have more emotional dysfunction that you or i know, i think
im using that as an excuse. liek today we went to get ice
creamand joselin wa sliek, katy.. the guy behind the
counter is hot, and he was, and shes like, you should get
his number, cause id tlaked ot him and he was fun, but i wa
like, no, na, i dont; want to.. and she was liek, why not?
and i dont; have a good reason not to.. he was a good
looking guy, funny, dressed nice, but i was like, na...
why? no reason...i dont; knwo where i was goign with that,
and you're gonna be here tomrow.. aye aye aye... you say ..
gees, im rereadin the email, and you knwo, i don;t want
to... id liek to say make excuses, byutnot excuses for you,
but for me.. ive been thinkign alot latley, pr....
ok...excuse, this is making me stray from the subject at
hand... yes i have been thinkign lately, and it relates,
but... not alot... so, basically, paul, i'll go to dinner
with you, sure, but, as paul and katy, friends... youre a
great guy paul, and im so lucky to have you as a friend,
and i think id like to keep it that way... things are super
like they are... im friends with this awesome guy named
paul, he likes video game, hes artistic, funny, and hed go
to the mats for me, anytime... in my eyes, thats as good as
it gets, right there...lets keep it at friends, paul, can
we? in my mind, that really is the best way to go.... and
paul, youre not lame... admirable, definatly, lame, nah...
can't blame a guy for trying, i always say... and im proud
of you for stepping out, paul, i think its great... im
sorry if the outcome isn't quite the way you'd expected...
but, really, a friend is worth so much more to me than a
boyfriend... cause real friendship surpasses the whole
dating thing, you know? so, paul.. ahhh... there you have
it... im the loser here...but... what can you do, right?
soemtimes you just suck... maybe todays my day to suck...
mayeb tomrow will be better... im just re-reading the email
to see if i missed anything, but... doesn;t look like i
did... so, paul.. i'll see you in.. well, tomrow, i think,
maybe the next day, and it'll be fun... so its been like 5
minutes and i cant' think how to end the email... well...
you're awesome paul.. and im glad that you came to sit with
us in art, cause id be missing out on alot if you hadn't...
and now that im thining baout it, ha, thast funny.. you got
to know kelly cause you took her home when she was drunk,
and you , kind of, got to knwo me at school when i was
drunk.. yikes... that mgith say something... i mean, it
does, but... wahts all in the past... love you paul, and
i'll see you soon..

hugs
katyjane