Thoughts And Love Of My Friend, Mark
Ad 0:
2001-12-18 21:06:42 (UTC)

Mark listened ...

Ok, so I erased my other entries. They delt with the fear
of telling my best friend, Mark, that I have fallen in love
with him. I sat and thought for a long time this morning
and decided I had to tell him.

I couldn't take him not knowing how I felt. He is
wonderful, beautiful, kind, energetic, captivating, sexy,
sweet, so incredibly handsome, and I could go on and on.

I could look into his eyes forever and that was part of my
delima. I did look into his eyes ALOT and he would look
back. We would stare at each other for a while before one
of us would look away and it sent chills up and down my
spine, my stomach would get all queasy (in a good way), and
my cheeks would get hot. It is an invigorating feeling.

I never asked for these feelings. Most of us never do,
right? They just hit me. I just realized that I love this
man. It's all in how you deal with it, right? Well,
that's where I was running into trouble. Not dealing with
it very well at all. I wanted to hang on to him and yet
not make him uncomfortable. Sometimes he's uncomfortable
and sometimes he's not. It's very unpredictable. Hey, we
all deal with things in our own way. I'm sorry that I put
him through any uncomfortable situations. The last thing I
would ever want to do is make him uncomfortable. I want
him comfortable around me and to enjoy his time spent with

So this morning, all teary-eyed and looking downright
pathetic, I asked him if we could talk. We did and and I
told him pretty much what is written here (and then some)
and you know what? He is AWESOME. He listened and (sort-
of) gave me his thoughts on it. He is still my friend and
I feel so much more comfortable around him now that he
knows. He still jokes around with me, still looks into my
eyes. I was afraid he would stop looking into my eyes
after I told him. He still is sweet to me. No coldness at
all. He's gone to work now and hopefully, on the drive to
and from, he'll think more about it and nothing will
change. I, of course, want to give him time to absorb
everything I said, and lord knows that I threw alot at him
that he didn't ask for and it all landed on his shoulders.

He said, this morning, that something was on his mind but
it had nothing to do with me. Then he wouldn't share
anymore about it. He has helped me by listening and caring
about me that I want to do the same for him. I hope he
will share with me what's troubling him.

I want whoever reads this to know that Mark is an AMAZING
person. I wish you could all meet him and see what kind of
man he is. He is adorable and a strong friend. I am
incredibly happy to have a friend like him by my side.
It's hard to believe the world doesn't fall in love with
him like I did. And you know what? Although I didn't ask
for it and it probably won't lead anywhere with him, I
don't regret loving him. It feels good to say that! (or
TYPE that, as you will).

Mark, if you read this . . .
I love you. I care about you. I think you are an AMAZING
man and I hope you are my friend for eternity. You truly
make me feel alive and happy and please don't EVER feel bad
about that. Even if your feelings aren't as strong for me
as mine are for you, take it as a compliment. You make me
SMILE just thinking about you. You make me grateful and so
damn HAPPY to call you MY BEST FRIEND. Thanks!


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