Sweet Child

Sweet Life
2001-12-18 19:25:44 (UTC)

Nothing New/B-day blue

I find myself here, still in the same state of mind I was
not too long ago. Nothing has changed. Things aren't
getting better, slowly I feel them getting worse. I have a
bad feeling about the San Diego trip. I don't think I
should go. I don't think I will. There is however a good
side to everything right now. My birthday. I know before I
made a big deal about it. What can I say, I'm excited about
finally being 15. See 14 sucks really bad. One of the worst
years ever. I just want to finish it. Get 14 done with. But
then as usual I start to not be in the mood anymore to
celebrate. Even for the holidays. I just don't feel like
going all out. What for? I have nothing, I have no one. I
had made certain plans ahead of time. Just to be with a
certain person that day. Nothing of money, that's the last
thing I like being wasted on my birthday. I just wanted to
be near him. Be with him. Be close to him. But again, as
usual those plans were screwed up aswell. So then I decide,
okay, I'm just going to have a great time that day. So
here's what people have planned. The strange thing is none
of this was really my idea. First some friends of mine
suggested it would be fun for us to go to Chuck E. Cheese.
Now I thought that would fun too. A little pathetic, yes I
know. Then it was also suggested that we have a whole bunch
of people just come to my house & everyone just hang out.
Very cool because I like just hanging out. It's fun just to
talk, & stuff like that. Eventually it would turn into a
party I guess. Some people would be so tired they'd end up
spending the night. Then it was suggested that me & some of
my close friends go to Knott's Berry Farm. Great. I've been
wanting to do that for my birthday for a while now. But it
would have to be during the week & may be just to hectic
for my birthday. That's something I would want to have
started to plan a little early. Then as I was surfing the
net, I came across tickets to this New Years party for only
$31. I thought great. I'll be old enough & there I can
party all night. I can have a good time while not think
about the things back here that stop me from enjoying
myself. But ahh I don't know. My other plans would have
been simple & not costed a penny. Screw it, I'm just going
to go Christmas shopping like I did last year. It was
completely harmless & everything was fine.