Christine

Visions Of Life
2001-12-18 06:59:32 (UTC)

When In Doubt, Sing..

Hmm... I have had an, ummm.. interesting couple of weeks..
lol.. Sometimes i cant stop crying and sometimes I cant
stop smiling. Its weird.. But the one thing that gets me
through all of this madness is music. There is a song for
every emotion Im feeling and just singing along and
allowing the music to heal me does wonders for the soul.

Sometimes I wonder what the fuck is wrong with me.. I
wonder what has happened in my life that has turned me into
some cold hearted bitch, incapable of loving or being
loved.. Thats my main problem. Everytime I let someone get
close to me, I run away. I dont mean to but I am so afraid
of getting hurt again that I hide from the people closest
to me. I just know that if I get hurt again, at least right
now, that I am going to lose it. I am going to snap and who
knows what I might do then. I just wish I could make people
understand.. But I cant even be honest with the person
closest to me and that hurts.. I need to tell him my true
feelings.. I need to explain to him why I do the things I
do.. I hate hurting him but at times I can be selfish.. I
just hate feeling like I am so empty inside. I hate feeling
so cold.. feeling like I have nothing to give others.. I
try.. I try so hard but I cant open up.. Not even to the
people I love.. But I guess thats the cost of my
mortality.. I just pray that one day this ice will melt and
I can be normal.. Be allowed to love and be loved.. But
till that day.. all I can do is hide..