x0xpunKangeLx0x

a waSte of sPace
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2001-12-18 05:10:21 (UTC)

a thOusand teArs

a thousand tears ive cried over the thought that im not
good enough. maybe not physical tears, but definently
emotional ones. i like him i like him alot. i hardly know him.
but i like him. he is the angel that i see in the clouds.
his innocent smile haunts me. there are those that doubt.
she told me its no use that i should give up. do you think
i should give up? would you give up? guess its harder than
i thought. i want to find a good way to talk to him that
way i could get to know him. its awful really that im
pathetically scared of the one guy who i care the most for
its bad. real bad. i suck. i really do. i see no point in
him being interested in me at all. his smile haunts me i
think thats his most attractive feature his smile that
melts you and his eyes that go on forever. " well ihavent
memorized all of the cute things to say, but im working on
it." (Lifehouse) His eyes, that which i could stare into
forever. although i was only close enough to gaze into them
once, it seemed like forever. i could see us together. so
could my friends, or so they say. sometimes i feel they
decieve me not to make me feel worse of course they want me
to be happy as i would them but they are transparent
sometimes or maybe not maybe its just me. i can feel a
presence in this room i think someone just walked in. my
friend said he was looking at me today. i really dont think
so but hey watever makes her happy she can believe. oh i
wish he were looking at me. why shouldnt he like me? im
interesting enough arent i? guess not. maybe its not me
maybe its him. i dont see why we cant just get together and
hang out. what is my problem would someone like to tell me
that? why dosent he want to talk to me? i see no effort
quoting myself: its hard to talk to someone who wont talk
back. i wish he would. just to hear words come from his
soft lips. to see a glimmer in his eye. to watch his soft
hair fall so perfectly. i long for him in a way almost
unhuman. its not lust but i dont know how it could be love
i dont believe in love like this. but why shouldnt i its
close enough. why do i suffer. why do i pine for that which
i can not have why do i long for whom i cannot be with. i
wish i could i pray that he realize the person i am and
find me as wonderful as i find him then maybe just maybe we
could be together.


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