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2001-12-18 04:57:56 (UTC)

still nothing's happened

well nothing's happened.
ok. he Talked to me. For like a minute. to me, that doesn't
qualify as anything happening.
I wish he would like me
I want someone to be nice to me
I was telling my friend about this the other day... like,
for the past 9 months practically all i've dealt with is
people who have decided for various reasons that i'm not
worth being nice to.
usually, they see that there's something better out there
and if being nice to me impeedes them, or rather isn't
going to help them in any way they stop doing it.
Like, ideally i'd have a boyfriend (for once) who would
a) actually LIKE me for a change
b) want to spend time with me
c) be NICE to me
d) enjoy my company
now i haven't been able to find many people who are
interested in doing this lately. Some ppl will do this.
Others will do this when their significant others aren't
available and they're bored and need something to do.
Like, ok. i"m not saying that I want to be the most
important thing in someone's life. cuz really, i think
that's kind of dumb. I see other people doing it, and it
just doesn't make much sense. I know from experience that
while things are actually happening, sure yeah you THINK
that it's like the most important thing in your life and
that no one else is as cool or as worth it. Like, I sorta
think that some people i know would throw me off a building
to give their significant others a softer place to land.

i have two exams tomorrow. i should go study. but i got
depressed again yesterday. i think it's just cuz i'm so
frustrated. I realized that it's been like over a year
since any guy other than my ex (who i only dated for 2
months 9 months ago) has even been like, remotely
interested in me. for some reason guys dont like me. and
it's not cuz i'm like real whiney either. i whine all the
time in here but like, not to guys and stuff. i go out and
try to have fun, meet guys. lately i've been pretty whiney
with my friends cuz like everyone has something cool going
on. my friends all have boyfriends and the one that doesn't
is at least talking to the guy she likes trying to pick him
up. which isn't even good news either cuz he's friends with
my ex... yet another person who's gone through my old
connections to find someone. which really pisses me off. i
want those boys out of my life. i dont want anything to do
with my ex anymore. if i had my way, i'd never see him ever
again in my entire life. i'm really thinking that IF i
ever have another boyfriend, i dont think im going to be
introducing him to my friends. or at least his friends will
never meet my friends cuz obviously there is very little
concern for my feelings when they see something they want.