CiennaLarylle

Life, no one gets out alive?
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2001-12-18 04:24:03 (UTC)

shoot me

I am an idiot I am intersted in someone that I shouldn't
be. I don't know what to do or think as I am going to get
myself hurt. Especially if I pursue this person. After
this last year and my problem with boys(the attempted rape,
being use, best friends trying to get into my pants, a guy
ripping my heart out by cheating on me, and a few other
things i can think of *yea I don't tell people about my
love life because there doesn't seem to be much love and
most of this happens in a week's time before I am ready or
willing to tell anyone so when I decide to it is all over.*
this all happened during the last approx. 400 days*for
those of you with out math skills a year and a couple of
months.)hmmm...I realized that I was wrong about the last
time I had sex I kept sayin it was before my surgury (over
2 years ago)but actually it was about a year and a half...a
one night stand(this is if I have my dates right and it is
entirely possible I don't as I only stopped doing drugs
completely*you knwo smoking cigarettes and drinking alkyhol
don't count* about 8months ago).

I still feel like I'm a virgin again though becuase I have
shut down; it is really hard to let someone in nto to
mention to allow them to touch me in a sexual way beucase
of all the shit that has happened. And I know if Igo after
this person it will end up just being sex and I will be
hurt again, so I don't know if I can take it.
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH please shoot me. Sometimes life
just doesn't make sense, I wish I could kill myself becuase
it would be so much simpler. I wouldn't have to deal wiht
this shit anymore.

o-well life won't get better but I know I can deal... i
think