The Nine Faces of Dave
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2001-12-18 04:09:08 (UTC)

in and out the recycling bin

Erica Jong once said, "Advice is what we ask for when we
already know the answer but wish we didn't." I was thinking
about that earlier today. How can I make progress towards
my goals? Hell, I know the answer: lose another 30 pounds
and, most likely, cut my hair. At this point I've probably
done all I can in other respects, so the time has come to
either act and hope that my reputation precedes me, or shut
up and quit whining.

Time to fess up on this thing. I'm not happy with the way
my life is going: I'm hung up on a girl who will probably
never see me as anything other than a friend, and I'm unsure
about who my real friends are. I used to spend most of my
spare time hanging out with two of my friends at school, but
lately it's been no fun. They give me shit about more
ridiculous things than my clothes, and one of them is always
pissed off about something. So now I've been hanging out
with other people more, and also getting better acquainted
with my aforementioned female friend. It's weird, though;
the closer I get to some people, the more alienated I get
from others.

I read Fritz Perls' book "In and Out the Garbage Pail" a
while back, but it seems more significant now than it did
then. I have to act to complete the predominant gestalt,
preserve my sanity, and hopefully enter a new era. The only
thing holding me back is the fear that if I fail, I'll have
lost all that's keeping me going. Oh well, at least I have
some hope: she _does_ like my writing.

In other words, I spent about two and a half hours this
evening hanging out with a friend of mine whom I haven't
seen in some time. I should hang out with him more often;
despite his overwhelming laziness, he's a pretty wise

I don't even care if peope read this and recognize me. I'm
through screwing around and avoiding self-expression. From
now on it's 100% full-bore honesty.