mel

Ordinary world?
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2001-12-17 19:17:45 (UTC)

depressed

strange how things could just change the way they do.
stranger how we could hold on to something, so much so that
it disappears and we still hold on to hope. i feel a
terrible fright inside me. afraid to feel, to need, to show
emotion. what am i doing, what am i going to do. afterall
the year is coming to an end, and what have i accomplished,
a broken heart, less friends, a job i hate, and a feeling
of constant fear and failure. what am i to be, what will
become of me in the near future. i will be 24 next month
and i wish it would never come, i wish i could go back in
the past. somehting must be very very wrong with me. i was
doing fine but for some reason i regressed. fear. what will
happen, what will it be like seeing you again. seeing you
in a different light, seeing me alone and scared, humilated
and upon death. sometimes i think i'm going to have a heart
attack, because my heart beats so fast when i think of you.
how is wish i could find the answers, be stable at least.
what has become of me, i've wasted away, i've become
desolote and needy, i've been hurt and i just don't know
what to do with myself anymore. i pretend everything is
alright, until i lay on my bed at night to sleep and find
that my mind is over ridden with thoughts of you, of
friends who hurt me, of the sad pathetic life inow lead and
wonder, what my future will be like.


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