between love and hate

infertility

especialy since there was not a lot of love to
start with.so i sat my husband down and discussed
artificial insemination.we agreed.so off to the
urologists he went..he went a few times and gave
speciamens,they were to be frozen and then thawed
to be placed in my womb durring ovulation...
they gave me drugs to insure ovulation......
i did this for months.i was using retirment money
to do this, it was very costly.but i was younge
and dint see any problem of putting it back befor
i retired. it didnt seem to work nothing did
which the doctors told us that it could take a few months
and durring these months we bashed one
another with words and faught more and more.test were ran
and i saw this doctor and that doctor and my hopes
of having a baby got lower and lower....i dreamed nights
of my baby to be...and being a mom.and filling
the void in my life....and i held on to that thought.
i started getting very depressed and he spent a
lot more time at work.oohh durring this time he
changed jobs and started working with his father
running the company business.and his father had a
lot of controll over him.his family didnt like me
much, i wasnt good enough for there well breed
son.....