Babybird

My Super Terrific Life
2001-12-17 05:23:20 (UTC)

home again, home again...

home again, home again. according to robert frost, "home
is where, when you have to go there, they have to take you
in". i suppose that's true. my family might not think
so. i got home on tuesday and left for matt's about 1 in
the morning. i left his place wednesday afternoon and made
the journey to evansville only to find a very desolate and
depressing scene. melissa was gone. jackie was gone.
scott was minutes away from leaving. lauren was at
matt's. hell, even danielle was already gone. it was very
sad and lonely. so scott waited around on me to finish
packing up my stuff and we hit the road together. it was
really nice to see him again. i hadn't seen him in
literally weeks and i really missed him. so we caravaned
to terre haute where we stopped at a denny's and split a
chicken salad. i hadn't laughed so much in weeks. i never
laugh as much as i do when i'm with them and i'm really
going to miss that in the next few months...even years.
friends like that don't come along twice. i know we'll
keep in contact and i will never lose touch with them, but
it's never going to be the same. they are going to england
and i'm staying in indy. jackie and patrick will be in
evansville. i guess this particular chapter of my life has
come to a close and it's time to start writing the next
one. so i spent a good four days in kokomo with the
fabulous heathers family. i like them a lot. hell, i love
them. i didn't even bother to tell my parents where i
was. i told joe and neil, so i didn't feel bad about it.
i called mom when i got back to indy and she was in high
spirits. not mad at me at all. she said dad was about
ready to kick me out though. and all i can figure is,
well, he'll just have to get the fuck over it. i
understand that while i'm in his house i should respect him
and his rules, but he first needs to do something worthy of
respect--such as be a father--and second...we have no real
rules there. i try to just be polite and co-exist as best
i can, and that's all i can do sometimes. and sometimes
that's just not enough. but things will get better. i'm
getting a job and starting school so i'll be more
scheduled. my lack of structure is a big problem. so that
will improve. i'll be around the house more, so either
that will make things better or far, far worse. and i
really want to get a dog. i want a yellow lab. but i
don't know if i should do it or not. i'm going to see how
i'm doing around my birthday. that'll give me two months
to get a feel for how my life is flowing. if i think i'm
around enough and have enough time to give the proper
amount of love and attention to a dog, then i'll do it. if
not, then it will just have to wait. i know a dog would
make me super happy though. but so would a fitness center
and a nice tanning package. again, we'll just see. i'm
going to tell dad about the computer i'm completely lusting
over. i'll see if he'll buy it for me and then i can start
a monthly payment plan with him. we'll see. i do need a
new computer though. that would make me a happy panda.
ah, but things will be better when i start working. new
clothes make me really happy. and i can get a new
computer, hopefully by the end of the summer. we'll see
how that goes. lots of waiting and seeing this time
around... so patrick should be home soon. i can't wait to
see him. he is greatly missed. and i greatly miss
melissa. i haven't seen or heard from her in almost two
weeks. i'm going to call her tomorrow. and i'm gonna try
to set her up with kirk. i think it would be a good
thing. they would really like each other. me matt and
kirk will all have to travel to st. louis and go out on a
double date. that would be fun. not to mention i need to
give her her christmas gift. she'll like it. eisenhower
is no lincoln, but she'll like it none the less. so i need
a list of things to do tomorrow. i've started on paxil and
i think i feel much better. maybe it's just a placebo
effect since i've been on it such a short time, but i don't
care. i honestly feel like i can focus and get things
done. and i know if i do that i'll feel better. and so
with that i need to go make my to-do list and then get some
shut eye. i can't do this 2or3 to 11or12. it just isn't
going to cut it. and what better time to start then right
now.




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