samuelh

All on the table
2001-04-06 02:21:48 (UTC)

Good-bye, Suzie. I have been so..

Good-bye, Suzie.

I have been so much in love with you, even though I
knew it was complicating my life and the relationship
that is dying around me. I knew my feelings were
complicating your life too, and the hell that you needed
to leave.

But I thought what we had was stronger than the forces
around us. I was wrong.

Instead, you and I are both such broken, empty,
shattered people right now that we can't truly connect.
You know you need someone in your life that gives you
stability. It's incredibly obvious after the roller coaster
you've put me through this week that I can't do this
again. On Tuesday, in pain, you kissed me like you
wanted me passionately. Today, you talked to me like
you wished I would leave you alone. I can't tell which
one is the real emotion, and I can't stay close enough to
figure it out. You hurt too much, and you hurt me, too.
You hurt me so much that I'd rather have the hole in my
heart from where you were than the jagged tears you
keep making.

Maybe one day, when we're both healthy.

As for now, you are my friend. But, Suzie, I can't love
you any more.

Samuel
[email protected]