keeping my hands in the air
2001-12-16 22:15:38 (UTC)


well, after last nite, i really don't know what to think
right now. i went to this party and corey was there. there
was some music so we were dancin pretty heavy and the
really bad part 'bout that is that i enjoyed it and had
fun...does that make me a ho? but some other stuff
happened...everytime we'd dance, he'd tease me and start
kissing my neck and i would just pull away. i mean, of
course i wanted to give in to that, but i didn't want to
admit it to him. i mean, it's corey, the pimp. i dunno what
to do. i did like sittin in his lap and he'd just hold me.
he'd draw w/ his finger on my stomach or just hold me. i
remember once, he got me to stand up while he was sitting
and just danced. it was interesting. and then there was the
bathroom scene. i didn't have to use it...i just wanted to
think for a second. but he followed me in there and put his
arms around me and teased me some more. everyone thought we
made out, but honestly we didn't. then, after rob squirted
gel on my face and corey laughed, i chased him and he fell
into the couch. so i tickled his feet, but he's stronger
than i am and he pulled me on top of him. again, i wasn't
complaining, but i didn't want to admit that to him. all my
friends must think im a ho. i mean, i can be daring
sometimes and i might've gone over the line, but i don't
feel like a ho. i would've done the same things over again
if i was given the chance. i don't think i did anything
bad. one of my really good friends, taylor told me that im
too hard on myself. i think he's right. corey's the kind of
guy who's a really big flirt. but i really do love him.
there's that special spark about him that makes me smile.
he's incredible. but because of his reputation, should i
give in or just hold my ground? this is
heart tells me to keep going how things are, but my head
tells me to stop liking him. taylor told me i should do
what my heart tells me to instead of go against the current
because there'll be a lot less pain. i really don't know
what to think right now. oh well. maybe someday ill figure
it out...someday.