marissagmu

What can I say?
2001-12-16 18:29:42 (UTC)

Something more....

Well, this has certainly been a wild and crazy past few
weeks....Let's see where to begin...I suppose the best
thing to start with is with the fact that my roomie is
gonna stay! hooray! I was a little surprised at first that
she had decided that, because it seemed like her
transferring to uncc was a for sure thing, and i was sad
because i feel like we could be so much closer as long as
we don't let the stupid little things get in the way. I
think the changing point was when she hung out with all of
us the wed. night that classes ended. She really got to
see that it is a lot of fun to hang out with everybody, and
I know meeting the English boys didn't hurt!! Overall, I
think it was a great decision, cause I think that we have
put a lot of stuff behind us and we will really get a lot
closer this coming sememster. Ok, on to the next
issue...Saturday night...oh dear... I can't believe I acted
so stupid! I am extremely embarrassed to say that yes, I,
the "good" little girl got drunk....and all the dumb things
I did, I have the bruises to prove...all I can say is never
again. I haven't drank since and do not plan on drinking
that much ever again, I hate not knowing what I was doing
and doing stupid stuff, I don't ever want to be like that
again. My biggest fear is that I made a fool out of myself
in front of a guy I really like. He really seems like my
type, even though he has a girlfriend which is a slight
problem, and I have heard that I acted stupid around him,
but hopefully those are just rumors. I did kiss an English
boy--hahaha, that was fun! And then there was that whole
embarrassing conversation with Matt, where I said a lot of
things I didn't mean because they came out the wrong way.
But hey, he understood, I think we were both out of it, so
it's ok now. I still don't really know what my feelings
are for him, but i think that we are gonna be really great
friends. That will be fine with me, especially with the
whole Lynz thing. He and Lynz are really good for each
other I think, and I don't want to interfere with that,
they need each other, and I can tell there is a strong
attraction. He treats her a lot differently from other
girls, at least from what I have heard, and I just get this
feeling from the both of them that they are meant to be
together. I think I have always known this, ever since
they first started talking, but I haven't always wanted to
face it, because of my feelings. But now, I realize that
if it is meant for them to be together, then they should
be, and I can handle that. I just hope that I can find
someone to share such a closeness with as they have. It
really frustrates me too when I like a guy and i can't
bring myself to talk to them. It took me forever to talk
to the other matt, but I did it!! It was so nice talking
to him, i just wish that he were single! and i can't help
notice that he stares at me, i just hope that's a good
thing, and i hope he's not like all the rest of the guys
who just want booty calls. i really wouldn't mind talking
to pete more, but i feel like all i would be is a booty
call to him, and i want more than that. i am enjoying the
single life now, being able to do whatever i want when i
want, but i always keep in the back of my mind that i know
i will get tired of it eventually and want soemthing more.
i was sad today, cause there is this really sweet guy at my
church, he only comes every once in a while because he is
in the military, and i have known him since i was a dorky
little kid. i was always a little in love with him, cause
he was older and very cute, and i still have those feelings
for him, even now. however, i still feel like the dorky
little girl i used to be whenever i see him, and so i never
talk to him, it makes me sad cause i would love to talk to
him, but i am too scared to... somebody help me!! Ok well i
guess this is enough ranting and raving for one day, but
one last thing....Lynz, I am sure that you will read this,
and I just want to say that no matter what you decide to
do, I will support you all the way. I know that this is a
really tough time for you, and you need to make whatever
decision you think is best for yourself, not jeff, not
matt, not your mom, not anybody but you. It is past time
that you do something for yourself, and I just hope you
realize this. I love you dearie with all my heart, and I
will always be there for you!!


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