as the Oval turns
2001-12-16 09:10:26 (UTC)


Song of the Times: "Bad Love"-Eric Clapton ft. Phil Collins

Well, I'm home. It hasn't even been a week since being
home and I already want to go back to Ohio. My dad is
changing, and truthfully, I don't like it. Basically, I
see our relationship as straining. I'm not sure if it's
the fact that we're of different religions or what, but
it's kind of like I don't feel that he respects my point of
view like he used to. He's been telling me all about how
he believes in God and everything, but how he doesn't think
that Jesus is God. And he talks about fasting and stuff,
but he hasn't given me a real understanding of why he chose
Islam. But at the same time, I don't think he understands
why I am a Christian, and I'm not sure he's really
respecting that. I also question some things about his
religion but I have yet to get a chance to mention those,
and I still would like to know on what merits of Islam
itself made him decide to convert. Besides the fact that I
don't believe in Islam, the biggest thing that bothers me
about the whole thing is that even though my dad and I are
supposed to be close, I had no idea he was even considering
conversion until he did it. Not that I have to know
everything, but it seemed so sudden. I was thinking that
my parents finally had it my mom is, but my
dad has fallen off somewhere, and that's not cool.

To make matters worse, today he said that I as well as my
sister should pay more attention and include my little
brother in stuff, b/c he said that we were hurting him.
That really upset me, b/c I didn't feel that he was being
fair to me. The thing is, by nature I am an impatient
person. So, knowing that, I have been making an effort to
spend time with my brother, both talking to him about the
things that he finds interesting and at the same time,
talking to him about school-related stuff and trying to
help out as much as I can. I can only do so much since I'm
not home much. At the same time, my sister and I talk
about stuff, and since we are much closer in age, we talk
and hang out more, and we have conversations that I don't
want my brother repeating to everybody, which he is of the
age of doing. So sometimes he gets cut out of that. But
there's not a whole lot I can do about that. But I felt
that my dad wasn't giving me any credit for what I already
do, and when he got into how my brother is having a hard
time, that really made me mad b/c I felt that I was being
blamed for that as well, and that I really saw as being
unfair. So then we got into it badly, and what made it
worse is that unlike the dad that I'm used to, he was
unwilling to talk it out, and so he had an attitude for the
rest of the night, which is uncharacteristic of him.

So basically, for the first time I can remember, probably
the first time ever, we're going to bed pissed off at each
other. My mom and I used to beef like this, so I'm used to
this from her (although we get along better these days),
but I'm not used to this from my dad. It's like my real
dad went away somewhere and some stranger was put in his
place. All I can do is pray about this, b/c that really
upsets me. My sister says that my dad's crappy disposition
has come from the Islam. I don't want to say that, b/c we
all make mistakes and I would hate for him to attribute
something I do that he doesn't like to my Christianity.
But I don't know. I just want my real dad back :(.