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2001-12-15 21:52:41 (UTC)

Daddy's Death

Who am I, and how do I wonder will this story end?
everyone's story is a little different and the outcome will
become only what you would like it to be. you decide your
destiny whether or not you would like to believe it.
sometimes, things may go wrong and you absolutely know
that in your heart it wasnt your fault but in the end
realize that it was your decision from the beggining.
thats the way i feel, as if everything that happens to me
is my fault. but dont think of me as depressed, think of
me as willing to accept the truth and not try to run away
from it. true, not everything is your or my fault..
sometimes things happen just because they have to happen.
but has something really terrible happened to you or
someone you love and you can't help but thinking that it
was all your fault? thats kinda what happened to me. me
and my dad were driving down US1, and i was totally
ecstatic to finally be with him after 2 months of dealing
with my moody mother. well anywazs, i had just gotten my
progress report and i was trying to get my father's
attention. i've always been a daddy's girl.. so i knew
that he cared. but i was too proud of myself to wait until
we got home. finally, my dad took his eyes off of the road
for only a second to get a look at my grades, but while his
eyes were off the road, he hadn't noticed that the light
had turned red in the intersection of Oslo Rd. and US1.
the light turned red and my daddy tried his hardest to slam
on the brakes, but we were to late. another car, from
Oslo while we were on US1 was speeding down through the
intersection and hadnt seen us until the nose of his car
crashed into the drivers door-- and right into my daddy.
he didnt die right away, instead he tried his hardest to
hang on while we waited for the ambulance. i had passed
out right when the collision hit, but my father was worried
about me having a concussion or brain damage. so, in
despite of his upcoming death.. he made sure that i was
awake and alert. he told me that something was wrong, and
that immediatly told me that something has gone awry. my
daddy never tells anyone when he is hurt or upset or even
worried for that matter. so when he said that something
was wrong, i knew it was serious. right then at that
moment i knew how much i loved my daddy. i really dont
want to go into details about how he died or the things he
told me before he died, because even though its been only a
year, i still dont think that i'm ready to talk about it.
i'm not saying that this diary is going to be completly
about him, i'm just saying that this diary is going to be
about one specific person: me.