sorrows

brokenheaven
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2001-12-15 20:58:14 (UTC)

new diary

now i can write and noone will know so i can share
everything i have held inside me right now. im at western
me and mechelle and josh came to western to visit
andy...we bought and ounce and her nad josh are going to
drink too but not me...anyways josh drank alot last night
and like i was getting tired so i laid on the couch *thers
like 2 put together with a curved part* and he was all
like rubbin my leg and stuff and it made me really
uncomfortable because i didnt wnat to make him feel bad or
anything so i tried to descretly stay away from him. so we
all got back up i smoked some more pot and we played cards
but when we all went to bed i climbed onto the couch
curled up in a tiny ball at the top of my couch so it
wouldnt be possible for josh to touch me....but no...he
did he reached his arm underneath my blanket a good
distance to even have his tips of my fingers begining to
brush up against me so i said stop and his arm finally
came to a stop and he retracted it from under my
blanket...then it sounded like he was asleep he was kinda
snoring but i heard a differnt sound sort of like rubbing
of something then he stopeed snoring to take a few
slightly deeper breaths tehn he sat up and i could feel
him looking at me maybe to check to see if i was
sleeping...then his arm placed itself ontop of the blaket
over my leg ever so lightly and he laid back down but
still i heard the rubbing of a body part and i began to
remeber wehn my grandfather molested me in his cold and
unforgivable ways!!! i started to take deeper breaths and
my heart began racing abnormally fast i was in such a
panic i couldnt do anything to stop it then....so i got up
and went into the bathroom with my blanket and creid while
convolsing on the floor until mechelle came into go potty
then she went outside with me and i sobbed before calming
down but once i did i slept in andys roomates room...but
once i turned off the light i could hear footsteps from
the other side of the room and i felt like someone was
watching me so i turned the light on and slept with that
on until morning but i still cant understand. i have never
bcome that upset about it before but last night iwas
scared as all hell!! i didnt know waht to do....sometimes
people can be soo cruel its sickning!!!!


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