somewhere over the rainbow
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2001-12-15 19:50:58 (UTC)

12-15-01 1:27 PM

i had one of the worst nights of my life last night. we
had a school dance and ryan, my ex who is extremely
violent, yelled at me in front of every one! and then he
called me a slut, so i slapped him, and then i tried to
walk away and then he grabbed my arm and punched me. hes
such a dick! but it was my fault, i shouldnt have made him
mad and i shouldnt have slapped him. i knew he had a
temper and i made him mad so it is my fault. and i cant
tell evan (on of my naperville boys) bcuz he'll just get
all mad at me and be like it is your fault and all this
other stuff. all of my naperville boys hate me still, i
guess they always did but now they dont even talk to me.
only this one naperville boy does, hes cool, i dont talk to
him a lot tho. and he was like making this huge deal abotu
how guys have hit me before. i mean its not that big of a
ddeal. if all thes guys hit me b4 it cant all be their
fault. it has to be mine. yeah. and theres this other boy,
whos from detroit and hes pretty cool, he thinks i say
sorry a lot tho. i dont knw why, no one else thinks so. i
dunno, hes pretty cool. hes kinda making a big deal about
how i want to show them this on feb 4th(the day i lost my virginity)
hes like the only person i feel like talking to ight now, he actully
listens to me.....i hate my life, i wish more people would understand
also today, i got kicked outta student council, im so stupid. its
all my fault. my grades,they were too bad :( i hate my self, its al
my fault im so stupd

i lay in bed
stare at the wall
mind is blank
i feel nothing at all
you want to save me
im your project
dont look now
im faling again
falling into m mind
inmy head that is mindless
i stare out the wall
and feel nothing at all
you give me material things
and physical pleasure
i see ur emotional pain.
i feel nothin at al
you put me on the stage
i put n a ask
you see my face chane
i alonewith y kneif
come tothing ofit
dead or alive,
i wil still feel nothing
i finally feel something: regret
regret for not doing this sooner