Motivation Proclamation
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2001-12-15 08:24:29 (UTC)

Almost There

Dear Diary,

I haven't had a diary for years, since i was in middle
school and now i'm a junior in college. There is so much
to say. It is down to wire now at school. Finals are
coming up and everyone is pushed to the limit. I know when
i get home i am going to sleep for a week, well i wish i
could. Vacation is only three weeks long, definatly not
long enough to recover from the mental drainage that takes
place during the last few days here. Going home is going
to be fun but weird at the same time. I will be reunited
with my ex-boyfriend. We are actually trying to work
things out, but it's just not the same. I can't change the
way i feel. And when i am at school, i feel that i don't
want a boyfriend. But when i am home, i get lonely and i
wish i had someone. It's petty, but tough. He is in the
military and it's hard. We try to talk every nite, but
some times i am busy and just don't want to talk. He is
sweet and has good intentions, but way to smothering. I
know i love him and i care about him. He wants things to
be the way they were so badly, it urks me. I just don't
see why we can't hang out and see what happens, i feel so
much pressure, it pushes me away. He knows that but still
acts like a jerk, i guess that should tell me something
about him. I just think it's persistance because i am his
real first love. He is so scared of losing me that he
feels he has to use all his might to hold on. I tell him i
love him, but it just doesn't sink in. I'll keep on
trying. It's 3:20 am, way to late for a friday nite. I
would only stay up this late if i was drunk, but i'm not.
Just bored and awake and watching street smarts. I hate
this show. But anyways, i haven't been at practice all
week but it's okay. I am sure my coach is mad now, but
school is more important. I need to keep my GPA up. But i
am sure i will be okay. I am tired and sort of excited now
that i have my own diary! I promise I will write you
later! After finals...I'm almost there.....!

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