DayDream Believer
2001-12-15 08:12:47 (UTC)


Now Im in truble, big time.
Tursday I went to scool on my study day so I could work
with access quietly, I fugured out that one one wanted to
come to school whan they could stay at home. But I was
worng, some boys came, in the begynning we were all
working, or I was working and they were playing cunter
strike, but then they put on a movie at the screen our
teacher usaly use for teaching. Sure it was cool, its like
beeing at the cinnema, but this was the day before our
midterms!!! I couldt focus with sheerk playing in front of
me, so I took the first bus home.
When I got home I realised that I was home alone, I love
that, first I went over to Samuel and we took our dogs out
for a walk , that was fun.
When I closed my eyes I realised that I was for the first
time on a verry long time happy, everything was good.
I felt good with my self, not hateing my self, Stian would
be home soon, and I had this great idea of how I could make
this work out.
My mother and two sisters came home to early, I love to be
They made taco, Im stil on my on diet, but they dont know
that so I said that I wassnt hungry cuse I had a big meal
right before they come home. Im sure everyone knows how
good taco taste and sit there at the table watching them
have taco when you are hungry like an elephant is not my
thughs about having a good time, so I went down to my room
and read in my access book.

But then my mother came, she already knew that I wassnt any
hungt but stil she asked me to come up and join them.
When I got there one of us asked where my father was, he
was just got home from a bussins trip the day before so we
where expectig him for dinner. Normaly my mother wont eat
before he`s home and we never make taco when he`s home
eather. She was making her self a new taco and said, thats
what I wanted to talk to you about, I found a bottle of
alcohol so I told him to find a nother place to live for a
I was shocked, I thouth everythig was better now. She
explained that is not that she dont love him, its that he
had been lying to her, telling that he wassnt drinking. She
said that he could come home for Christams when our
gradnother is here, so she wont notice. And we could call
him afther dinner. I looked at Grace, she was about to
start laughing, I dont know why, Karoline aslo looked al
right (for now) I know no one was happy about it but stil,
the just continue their dinner talking about taco`s and
other normal things.

I had to go to the bathroom, I was calm when I got there,
but then I started to cry so hard that I could`t stop.
Insted of walking back to the kitchen I runed out of the
house and over to Samuel. I was stil crying, verry bad and
we went for a walk. I talked all the way, told him about
how nice things where for me and now evreything was ruined.
Then I made it to be all anout my access test, how stupid
is that?? Insted of oh my famely is tearing appart (well, I
said that to) it was how can I have my access test now??
We ended up where me and Selina used to go, strage. Or not
strage that we ended up there, but I havent been there on
quite a while and it was starge to be there now. Starange
but good. I think I cryed for hours, Samuel was there all
the time huging me, lisneing, that was also a thing I was
thinking about.
When I finaly got home I went straight to my room to read
some more access, my mother came in pretty early. She said
she was sorry and asked me if she was doing the right thing.
I guess so.......

A lot of things happend that night, no use telling you
about it, it will only make you comfuse. But he`s back in
the house now, I diddnt take my access test, I can do it
afther Christmas instead. Everything is not okey just
because he`s back, Im a mess cause thing are spinning so
fast around me. I have no idea of what I want any more.