2001-12-14 19:35:14 (UTC)


So I'm moving in with Jimi in Jan. I feel in my heart that
this is a good move for me and its a good move for our
realationship. My Mom is far from crazy about the whole
idea but she's supporting me anyway. Which is what I
expected because my mom is wonderful and I know she'll
always be there for me no matter if she likes what I'm
doing or not. She's awesome and I'm so thankful that I have
such a great mom. I don't know what I would ever do if I
didn't have her.
My father on the other hand is totally oppisite. If he
thinks he has any say on what happens in my life hes
wrong. Ya my dad has always been there in the sense that I
can call him if I want but he hasn't been around physically
other that visting, since I was in 9th grade. Just because
he gives me money sometimes doesn't make me his little
girl. My mom is the one that always took care of me. She
was always there when I came home from school cying because
of boys or because I couldn't pass math class no matter how
hard I tried. And everything else that used to upset me so
much even though know I see how unimportant it is. When it
did mean everything to me my mom was there and made me feel
better. My dad only knows about the things in my life that
I choose to tell him. Him and my step-mom dont know jack
shit thats gone on in my life. My father said that he
forbids me from living with Jimi. That, in it self I find
truely hilarious. All I ever wanted was my dad's approval
but Im tired of dealing with him and ya know what? It
really don't make a shit bit of differnce to me anymore. I
think I just might tell him what he wants to hear to get
him the hell off my back and then go do what I want to do
I love Jimi with all my heart. The worst thing my dad
told me last night was that I need to listen to my parents
INSTEAD of what my heart tells me. Thats the worst advice
he's ever given me. All my life Ive listened to everyone
else, I've over analyized everything and made a decsion
based on what everyone else told me and what I thought in
my head. So for once I'm gonna do what I feel inside would
be a wonderful thing. And if it works, it'll be even
better. If it doesn't then at least I'll know that I tried
and if it is "the biggest mistake in my life" then I'll
learn from it. Isn't that what life is all about anyway?
Learning from our past mistakes? How in the hell am I
gonnign to learn from any if I never get to make any? Ok,
me and Jimi are rushing things by moving in together after
only being a couple for two months. But whose opionion is
this? society's? Nobody knows how things are between us, no
body understands the conversations we have and what we
share together because that stuff is just between us. And
noone has to understand, because we do. People have always
though I was crazy, and maybe I am but who cares if I crazy
as long as Im happy too.
I know that my dad thinks this is puppy love and my mom
might think that too. But just because my patents got
married at a young age and ended up hating each other
doesn't mean that I'm going to end up the same way. For
one, I would never marry a man who values money over his
family. Family comes first because when everything is
gone, they're the ones who will still be there. Your kids
don't care how much money you make. They just want you to
be there. They don't even uderstand anything about money
and life - they learn it all from you as a parent. I'm
glad that I feel I've learned those things from my mother
and not my dad. My mom knows what family means, my father
doesn't understand what a family is. My dad has no clue as
to how much I resent him for leaving and moving to Ohio for
a better job and then he moved to Florida - was Ohio no far
away from us enough? but hey he's closer to my stepmothers
mom and thats what matters right? Don't get me wrong I love
my stepgrandma, shes a very sweet loving lady and I know
she's sick and won't be around much longer. But Im his
daughter and its like me and my brothers have been on the
back burner to him all his life. Thank god my mother had
enough sense and strength to kick his ass out when she did.
I can just imagine how I would have turned out if my dad
had been in the house. But hey everything I need to know
about life I learned from my mother. You don't need a man
around for ANYTHING. Ya, some guys are alright, I've meet
a lot of bad ones and I watched my mom date some real
pricks too but no ALL guys are horrible, there are a couple
out there that are okay, but don;t count on them. I have
to be able to watch out for number one which is and always
will be myself, until I have children of my own then they
will be the most important thing in my life. My mom went
through hell, all for me and my brothers, and I don't even
think they realize that yet. And maybe I'm just starting
too but I know I love her and if I end up like she is, as
far as what kind of a person she is, I know I'll be
alright. We'll being the selfish, imature child I am I have
to go pick up my grandma know to take her Christmas
shopping. More later.