eidolon

shifting mists
2001-12-14 16:44:02 (UTC)

the selling .. a dream ...

... i had a dream the night before last ... rare in so
many ways ... not just because i remember it so
clearly .... but because i was in it ... because i wasn't
a memory but an actual dream .... because there was
absolutely no one that i recognized throughout the entire
dream except myself ....

... in this dream i was in a relationship with an amazingly
loving, wonderful man ... caring and tender ... and we were
so happy together .... living in an upper floor apartment
and so in love ...

... then one day he brought a friend over who needed some
help ... introducing us and telling me that he needed a
place to stay for a while ... leaving his friend at the
apartment with me he left (perhaps to work?) ...

... his friend pushed me up against the glass windows of
the apartment ... stripped me down and raped me ... and
afterwards all i could do is cry .... i locked myself in
the bedroom and cried and cried ... scared that the guy
would hurt my love when he returned home .. but aching for
him to come home to me quickly ....

... but he didn't come home .... and days passed ... the
rapes became more perverted and twisted .. and he didn't
come home ... and didn't come home ... and didn't come
home .... and after a long while i gave up hope that he
would ... his friend used and abused me and then began
introducing other men ... letting them rape and have their
way with me ... and my insides ached with the pain of my
loss ... the ache carefully buried behind a numb
facade ....

.... after a long while he decided that i was not pulling
in enough men .... that we needed to advertise .... he
dressed me up in layers of 16th century clothes ... skewed
and revealing ... and took me to a circle dance in a
field ... pushing me forward as people stared at my mussed
and inappropriate attire .... and my love was there ....

.... i felt hope that he would save me ... i felt betrayed
that he was alive and well but had not come back to
me ..... and as i walked along the outside of the circle
stripping slowly ... gaze lowered ... i cried and i
sang .... i sang a song that told of what i offered ... of
the things that i would do for the men if they paid ... and
my captor yelled over the crowd and my song ... advertising
me to them .... the women with their sneers ..the men with
their greedy stares .... and i began weeding into my song
the story of how i came to be where i was ... knowing that
my captor wasn't listening to me .. hoping someone would
hear my song and help me ....

.... a vulgar corset with no breasts was all that was left
that i wore and no one came to help .. not even my
love .... and it hurt so badly ... so badly that i felt my
spirit had been ground into the dirt ... as i realized that
my love had ~given~ me to his friend ... given me to this
horrible man .... to this fate ....

.. and i could not understand what i had done to deserve
it ....