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2001-12-14 12:52:22 (UTC)

That's the way love goes

Mood: Nostalgic
Music: Some Phil Collin's song (cafe's radio, not my choice)
Time: 9:50 PM (12-14-01) Tokyo Standard Time

First things first, I tried updating my last entry to stick
in a cute picture but the darn thing wouldn't let me. Sorry
for any confusion.

Well, its Friday night and things are surprisingly slow.
Not that that's a bad thing though ... I don't really like
all these drunk marines that come in here. I went toe-to-
toe once 'cause he thought he was gonna walk out of here
with one of our beer mugs. I was pretty sure someone was
gonna get their ass kicked that night. Luckily, my boss
stopped the whole thing.

My kid brother is here right now using AOL, so I can't log
on to say hi to my friends at the moment. That little dude
is so cool. The other day, we were talking about what we
missed from the states and I told him "Man, ever since I
moved here, I've been craving a good burrito." They have
burritos here, but the Japanese do weird things to their
food. They have Teriyaki Burritos or Fish Burritos, but
nothing normal. When I woke up today, he said "Chris, go
look in the fridge," ... the little booger had one of his
friends (who can go on the military base to get American
stuff) get me a good ole' spicy bean burrito. Man I love
this kid :)

I've been doing some thinking about a lot of things ... but
most of all about how love is a funny thing. I thought back
to the night of my Jr. Year's Winter Formal. I went with
this girl named Jackie who I'd had a small crush on the
whole year up to that point. She was a Senior, and we were
both starring in the school's production of "Charlie and
the Chocolate Factory" at the time (I was Willy Wonka, and
she was an Oompa Loompa).

It was funny, we ran into each at the homecoming dance a
month or two before and neither one of us was having fun. I
told her to save me a dance at the Formal, and she was
like "Why don't you take me?" That really blew my mind. The
night of the Formal was really one of the best nights of my
life. There were times when we were slow dancing and we
just stopped and held each other. I wasn't sure if I
was "doing the right thing" at that point, and the song
ended and we let each other go ... then the next song
started up and it was a slow song too and she looked at me
so sadly like "hold me" and she found her way back into my

Later on that night, we were sitting and talking about how
love is so hard to find. I don't remember who, but one of
us was like "Its so stupid, if two people have feelings for
each other, they should be honest with each other because
you never know when or if the next one will come along." We
kind of looked at each other for a while and I just kept
thinking "Chris ... take her hand and tell her"

I never did ...

The show opened that week I think (it was just before
Winter Break), so we were both too busy to talk.
Afterwards, we just kind of drifted apart. She was one, of
many, that got away.

Today, while looking out over the ocean, I remembered her
and how I was too scared to be honest about how I felt ...
what was I afraid of? That we'd break each other's hearts
and lose the friendship that we had? We ended up drifting
apart anyway ... would've it have really hurt to just
say "Jackie ... you want to go out some time?" Maybe it
would've hurt more in the long run, I don't know. That's
the way love goes. I only hope she's found happiness, wherever she is.