2001-12-14 06:52:23 (UTC)


i'm feeling a bit better today but I don't really know why
or anything. I still want a boyfriend big time but I dunno.
things are a bit better anyways... despite all that.
I guess maybe in a way I'm realizing again that boyfriends
arent all that great- i'm starting to remember why
boyfriends suck.. cuz they treat you bad and you never see
them and stuff. So I dunno. I still need something in my
life though. I do cool stuff like I volunteer and work for
a good place and everything, it's just not what I want or
something.. like I want something MORE. I'm going through a
mid-life crisis at 19 for crying out loud. This is
ridiculous. My little sister has a boyfriend, two of my
friends have boyfriends (the only other friend i have is in
the same boat as me) and one of those friends is in like a
big year long relationship already. So they're together all
the time and competing w. him for time is difficult. My ex
boyfriend has a girlfriend who he's been going out with for
what.. let me think.. three months now.. he dumped me after
two so she must be something special... better than me in
any case. My former friend who's a bitch has a boyfriend
for like 5 months now and that's just sick cuz she's just a
miserable mean person, but I guess he doesn't really care
too much. I think he's slimy anyways. But still... I sort
of wonder what the hell's wrong with me.
My little sister started going out with this really cool
guy and she's so happy. Im like, totally jealous.
So yeah i can't even explain why I feel better today,
except maybe that i feel a little better about myself. A
little less undesireable somehow... but I don't know
exactly. I fought with my friend last night cuz the bitch
decided to lie to her about me and my friend like believed
her so that was a big fight, but things are ok now
thankfully... but still. I don't understand that probably
didn't contribute to me feeling any better knowing that
that bitch is still messing around with my life.
hmm. I don't get it. but i guess it's good that i feel
better about myself, esp. with christmas and everthing
coming. My exams are gonna kill me so I'm going to be nuts
over christmas time anyway.