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2001-12-14 04:12:17 (UTC)

What can I do?

No matter how much I try to fool myself, my pain is still
inside. My heart aches, and yearns for the love it once
had. I know Justin still loves me, but it's back to him not
showing it. Before he left, no things weren't perfect, but
I didn't hurt nearly so much. And it's not even that fact
that he's gone; I can live with that. It's the fact that I
don't exist to him. I'll call him, and he'll tell me to
call him back, because he doesn't want to talk. Or he'll
promise that he'll call me back, and I don't hear his voice
until the next day when I call him. I can't just not call
him, and I can't not miss him. He's such a big part of my
life, and I've loved him for 2 years. I can't just ignore
my heart when it cries at the sound of his name. I can't
stop my knees from going weak when he wraps his arms around
me and kisses me. It's so much easier to cope with now, but
it still hurts. And I'm so confused. I wish I could just
learn what all of this meant, and leave it at that.