Cindysioux

~My Life as a Fat Chick~
2001-12-14 03:55:13 (UTC)

I don't want to be his secret anymore!


I hate him, Im mad at him. why do I have to be a secret.

It's just not fair. He has met all of my family, my friends

and my co-workers. His friends don't even know about me and

much more his mother doesn't have a clue. He is 25 freaking

years old you would think he could tell his mother he has a

girlfriend. Is he afraid she will point blank ask him if he

is having sex. If she is as nieave as he says she is I doubt

she would. He is a fucking adult. I have been living on my

own paying my own damn bills since I was 19. I tell my

parents how it is they don't tell me what to do or how to

live my life. and so far Im doing pretty damn good. I am

responsible to no one but god and myself. and he is the week

one can't even stand up to his mother. So what if he is

having sex with me. we are sinning. I have done worst trust

me on that. I think he fears his mothers wrath more then

that of GOD. How can he go away and leave me for so long

and although I know he loves me and is devoted to me. I

can't understand how he would leave me. I know I am selfish

but at least I express that here and not to him. Here is

safe I can be a mean heartless selfish Bitch. I don't want

to be alone. I fear being lonely. Before him it was all

about the hunt and the chase. So now I have him. what do I

do for myself when I don't have him to fill up my time.

during the week I count down the nights till I see him
again.

He leaves monday morning I still have his kiss on my lips as

I go off to work, I shiver at the thought of his touches, I

am tired and have no problem going to sleep. Tuesday night I

have TOPS weight loss group that fills my evening and he

calls me and tells me good night, wednesdays I clean house

and pitter around and I just have two more nights to sleep

alone. I masturbate to the thought of him. Thursday night I

tape wrestling for him and laugh at myself , I love him so

and I will will please him when he sees that I did this nice

thing for him. I take pills to help me sleep and Friday

comes I wear special panties and clean my house immaculate

for him. He comes and I am complete for the next 3 days. but

that was then and after tomorrow my Birthday. I will not see

him until the 31st and then maybe not even then. as his

family is coming up here with him. and since they don't know

me or of me they will not know he already has plans to spend

with his true love. How can explain that he already has

plans to spend the new years eve with his friends. The

friends, I am when he comes and spends weekends with me. now

he is not technically lying as we are friends how ever he

is being deceitful, he knows it , I know it and so does

GOD. How could Friends (me) be more important then family?

How could I be more important then family? I don't want to

be his secret any longer. We have been going out for 5

months and I am not even a whisper. We are fucking adults

are we not? or at least I know one of us is. God Help me

decide what to do. press my luck?




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