Cindysioux
~My Life as a Fat Chick~
I don't want to be his secret anymore!
I hate him, Im mad at him. why do I have to be a secret.
It's just not fair. He has met all of my family, my friends
and my co-workers. His friends don't even know about me and
much more his mother doesn't have a clue. He is 25 freaking
years old you would think he could tell his mother he has a
girlfriend. Is he afraid she will point blank ask him if he
is having sex. If she is as nieave as he says she is I doubt
she would. He is a fucking adult. I have been living on my
own paying my own damn bills since I was 19. I tell my
parents how it is they don't tell me what to do or how to
live my life. and so far Im doing pretty damn good. I am
responsible to no one but god and myself. and he is the week
one can't even stand up to his mother. So what if he is
having sex with me. we are sinning. I have done worst trust
me on that. I think he fears his mothers wrath more then
that of GOD. How can he go away and leave me for so long
and although I know he loves me and is devoted to me. I
can't understand how he would leave me. I know I am selfish
but at least I express that here and not to him. Here is
safe I can be a mean heartless selfish Bitch. I don't want
to be alone. I fear being lonely. Before him it was all
about the hunt and the chase. So now I have him. what do I
do for myself when I don't have him to fill up my time.
during the week I count down the nights till I see him
again.
He leaves monday morning I still have his kiss on my lips as
I go off to work, I shiver at the thought of his touches, I
am tired and have no problem going to sleep. Tuesday night I
have TOPS weight loss group that fills my evening and he
calls me and tells me good night, wednesdays I clean house
and pitter around and I just have two more nights to sleep
alone. I masturbate to the thought of him. Thursday night I
tape wrestling for him and laugh at myself , I love him so
and I will will please him when he sees that I did this nice
thing for him. I take pills to help me sleep and Friday
comes I wear special panties and clean my house immaculate
for him. He comes and I am complete for the next 3 days. but
that was then and after tomorrow my Birthday. I will not see
him until the 31st and then maybe not even then. as his
family is coming up here with him. and since they don't know
me or of me they will not know he already has plans to spend
with his true love. How can explain that he already has
plans to spend the new years eve with his friends. The
friends, I am when he comes and spends weekends with me. now
he is not technically lying as we are friends how ever he
is being deceitful, he knows it , I know it and so does
GOD. How could Friends (me) be more important then family?
How could I be more important then family? I don't want to
be his secret any longer. We have been going out for 5
months and I am not even a whisper. We are fucking adults
are we not? or at least I know one of us is. God Help me
decide what to do. press my luck?
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