ICanOnlyBeHele3

Mysterious Attitude
2001-12-13 23:20:03 (UTC)

Thursday Dec. 13,2001

*Time: 12:12am (Its now 12-13-01 5:02pm)
*Wearing: My white lace up shirt,my jeans with 3 different
color material at tha bottom,socks
*Jewelry: tha usual
*Hair: down
*Listenin to : the tv... eh I don't want to listen to it tho
*Eating/Drinkin: nuttin/nuttin
*Song of the day : Lost In Love.. its a latin freestyle song
*Money Count : mmm hardly none... like 2 bucks in change
*Weather: Tha weather has been different all tha days
*Talking to : no one I have my away message...and besides I
don't really feel like talkin to anyone but
Lou,Alex,Amanda,Krissy, & Josh.. none of them are online tho
*Mood: eh.. it has been like a roller coaster
*Thinking: "Damn I wanna learn how to speak spanish.. it is
like soo sexy"

~*~*SINCE THA LAST TIME I WROTE~*~*

Mmm... nuttin has really happened... but sumthings have...
so as always I will do it in categories...

~*~*SCHOOL~*~*

Well I get my report card monday... what fun huh... I get
to see a big fat F in math :( This sucks... that like
ruined my whole damn school record... but hey what can u
do... ::shrugs:: Eh.. besides from math I think all my
other grades are going to be good.... Ohh yeah I made 2
types of cookies in Home Ec. (peanut butter and chocolate
chip) They turned out pretty good... tha people in my group
kicks ass man.. lol My mom got me sum dry measuring cups
yesterday(which was like...19 minutes ago now lol)... cuz I
told her I couldn't make cookies at home without them...
but anyway... my mom took me to school Friday I think it
was... and Alfonso was actually there...so I was sittin in
tha car listenin to my tape and warming up my voice so when
I went to choir pratice I wouldn't sound bad... and my mom
was like... mmm Alfonso keeps looking over here... I was
like nah I don't think so... but I swear it seems like he
is... I'm not sure tho but he always looks at tha car im
in... dont ask me why but he does lol....

~*~*BEING ONLINE~*~*

I haven't been online much within tha last five days cuz
sooo many people keep pagin me (Carl,Erica,Chris)... and I
haven't felt like being online so I just talked on tha
phone like all day long lol...

~*~*JOSH~*~*

Mm... I signed online at 11:30pm a few nights ago... tha
first time within tha 5 days... and Josh was online so I
started to talk to him... I had wrote sumthing bout him in
my profile.. and he asked me what i meant by it.. ( I wrote
Josh...your so hott sweetie and I wish u were mine... maybe
one day u will be!!) And I basically let out all my
feelings I have for him... it appears that he didn't know I
had them kind of feelings for him... he was thinking that I
liked him as only a friend...eh wait here is tha chat we
had:

Josh: by the way what does that mean in ur profile about
me?
Hele: mmmmmmmm it means that... mmm i really like u... and
i wish we lived closer... so we could get close and maybe
go out..
Hele: and i wish we did
Josh: whoa whoa slow down now
Josh: u like that much that u would wanna go out with me?
thats not like thats borderline somethin else
Hele: mmmmmm well u asked for i was blunt with ya
Hele: mmmmmmmmm maybe why does it matteR?
Josh: it does cause they are 2 different things
Hele: ok... why does it matter how i feel bout u?
Josh: cause they do matter to me cause i care about u
Hele: well i care bout u also... as u can see
Josh: ya
Hele: yeah...
Josh: what else?
Hele: what do u mean?
Josh: ok u said u wanna go out with me right?? well to
reach that point its a lil past like u know
Hele: yeah thats what i said...
Hele: a lil past?
Josh: yea it would mean ur leading up 2 somethin else
Hele: sorry im like dead tired/sore/nervous right now...
all at the same time... its not one of the greatest mixture
of emotions sumone can have at one time
Hele: mmmmmmm maybe i am? but it doesn't really matter
where just friends/maybe a lil bit more than friends...
right?
Hele: can u please tell me what u mean by that... cuz i
have to go in a second
Josh: thats cause those are the only feelings u express
towards me so yeah we are only friends cause i figure thats
all u want
Hele: well as u can see... no it isnt
Josh: well then how about u tell me
Hele: mmm i want more... but i can't have that...
Josh: why?
Hele: mmmmm,.... the distance is one main thing
Josh: tru
Hele: yes ... and long distant relationships are hard to
handle ... but then again i have been in one before that
lasted for over 2 years and were still friends till this
day
Hele: another thing... i want what is best for u... and i
really dont think i could be.... i'm not sure why... i
just dont
Hele: yea i guess
Josh: Helena be blunt what do u feel in ur heart
Hele: i am being blunt
Hele: about as blunt as i can be right now....
Hele: well let me put it short and sweet..... i dont
usually like many guys ... like i like u... its a strange
filling.. one i can't explain... but when i talk to u... i
could be totally pissed off depressed or whatever and as
soon as i talk to u... it seems like everything that was
wrong with me... was lifted off my shoulders
Hele: its odd... cuz i haven't had feelings like this bout
anyone... anyone but u that is
Hele: its really hard to explain in words... u would have
to literally be in my body and feel and think like i do...
to know what i mean...
Hele: The hardest thing is ... your a mystery man to
me...... I have no clue what u really look like ... so i
have to sit and try to imagine how u look... u know what i
mean?

Then he got kicked and didnt sign back on :( But I wrote
him an email asking him what he thought bout what I
said...he didn't respond back to it but he did read it...so
I'm not totally sure what he is thinking right now but I
really want to talk to him... so I'll write a update as
soon as I find out more on what is going to happen...

~*~*GOING TO THA MALL~*~*

Last Saturday... mmm Dec. 8 I *think* me and my friend
Sharia went to the mall... actually it felt pretty good to
get out of the house and hang out with a friend...and it
there isn't anything like a good day of watching hot
guys... lol but anywho... here is what i got

2 sets of magnetic earrings which I don't like cuz they
won't work on my chin grrr...
1 Tattoo Pen
1 Vine ring
1 set of these fake earrings that I can wear on my lip...
they have a purple and white striped ball on them...
1 Freestyle cd DJ Lalo

I think thats bout all... not that much but I spent almost
40 bucks... Anywho... I luv tha mall now!!! Hehe me and
Sharia plan on going back again as soon as we get sum
money....

~*~*CHOIR~*~*

On Wednesday Dec. 12,2001 I had my choir concert at
school... it went pretty well but the damn 7th graders
messed us up on one of the songs... we performed... Gloria
Jazz,Cold and Fugue,Winter Wonderland,Carol of the
bells,and we wish u a Merry xmas... the band played a few
songs as well... there was also 3 solos... so overall I
think everything went great!!!

~*~*REPORT CARD~*~*

Yeppers thats right I got my report card on Monday.
Dec.10.. here are my grades:

1.Science 3:B
2.Home Ec. 3(cooking):A
3.Art 3:A
4.English III: B
5.Choir:A (Mon.Wed. Fri.)
5.Gym/Swimming:A (Tues.Thurs.)
6.Social Studies(honors):C
7.Math: F

As u can see I'm doing good in all my classes besides from
Math... grrrrrrrrrrrrr and it really pisses me off cuz that
class is ruining everthing for me :( Here is what I got on
my first report card:

1.Science 3: A
2.Home Ec. 3(cooking):A
3.Art 3:A
4.English III:B
5.Choir: B
5.Gym/Swimming:A
6.Social Studies(honors):B
7.Math: D

As u can see... all my grades were good then to... all but
math grrr... I swear to u I haven't ever got such bad
grades on my report card like that... and at this rate... I
could possibly have to take the 8th grade over again
because of math... its slowly killing me from the inside
out... I can't take failing much longer... No matter how
hard I try in that class I still fail... and the sad thing
is... I'm not the only one... more then haft of that
teachers students are also failing... at this rate my final
grade... the average of all 3 of my first report card
grades.... will be a F or a D in math... no matter if I got
a good grade on the next report card... just thinking bout
that makes me want to die... everything I ever wanted has
feel down the tubes... right between my fingers... and
there is nothing I can do about it... it will be on my
record... and I won't be able to go to the college I want
to.. so I don't know what I'm going to do... I really
don't :(

~*~*ALEX~*~*

Omg... its been a long time since I have said anything
bout Alex in my diary... reasons being I haven't talked to
him since the day I met him... well the day before I went
to the mall... or shall I say the day I went to tha
mall...cuz he paged me at 4am... lol yes u read that right
4am... he wanted me to come out so he could see me... but I
refused to... I didn't feel like getting raped or
anything.... I mean yeah he is a hottie but I don't need to
worry bout sumthing like that quite yet...so we talked for
a lil bit and we hung up... and I haven't heard from him
since that day... he is sooooooo odd I tell u lol... grr I
could've kicked his ass tho cuz I was havin me a really
good dream..... hehe and nope... I'm not sayin what it was
bout... =-P

~*~*AMANDA~*~*

MMM... Amanda's birthday was on the 11th... so she is 15
now... it seems like everyone is older then me man lol but
from what I understand her birthday didn't go to well...and
she won't tell me what happened... so I really don't
know... I had forgot it was her b-day until she told me
lol... so I made her a background for emails with her
picture on it... I guess she liked it.... I would've sent
her sumthin but I don't have her addy so... hey thats bout
all I could give her lol....

~*~*KRISSY~*~*

Her birthday is coming up also... I forgot when tho....
lol eh I'm not good with birthdays lol... but I talked to
her a few dayz ago... and it felt soooo good cuz I missed
her soooooooooooooooooo much!!!! She is still as sweet as
ever!!! Not much more to say bout her so lets move on...

~*~*YO YO YO~*~*

Mmmm... shoot I forgot what else happened... lol its been
a few weeks since I have wrote... and when I first started
to write this I had to a lot to say... but now I forgot
it... so I dunno.... lol I guess I will go and try and see
if I can remember anything.... so buh bye!





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