krazie espy

my crazy thoughts~!
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2001-12-13 09:39:22 (UTC)

more, more, more~!

wow.. i can't sleep.. I have so much going through my head
right now and I can't think/sleep... I feel like such a
failure!!! i want to be able to support my mom when im
older and if I don't go to school how am I ever gonna do
that?? I mean should I stay working in fargo or should I
take that job in maryland... I mean I don't make my own
choices so I don't know what to do.. ALl I know is if I get
sick and I don't go to school my mom is gonna be broke and
we really can't afford doctor bills... GOD what do I DO!!!!
i've been depressed lately... I don't even know why.. It
just comes ago.. and yes that is natural.. I'm not a basket
case or any thing its just I don't know what I want out of
life.. I've gone to school for a year and a half and I
haven't accomplished a damn thing!!! seriously!!! If I took
the job in maryland i would get more money im pretty sure
and yet I would be away from my family... I would be away
from jason.. which would be a GOOD thing.. I mean.. I pour
my heart and soul out to the man and he does nothing.. I
want him as a friend and yet I want him as more than a
friend yet I hate his guts??? does that make sense? i don't
know i really can't answer that ? so I won 't... it is
2:41 a.m and I can't sleep so here i am keep blabbing away
in this journal thingy.. that sort of helps me vent out on
my problems.. on my next entry i will make a pro's N con's
of the job here and the job in maryland.. maybe that will
help me out eh? but shit Im gonna try to go to bed ONCE
again.. but I'm sure it will be unsuccessful...
Love Espy

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