not set
2001-12-13 06:32:39 (UTC)

O Brother - Pt. III

My mother and his father were told everything will be fine.
They waited outside. My mother saw two of his doctors when
she came in. The doctors had just arrived. One was
wearing casual clothes. His surgeon was wearing a suit and
tie and nice shoes. They had just arrived.

I made plane reservations. I made car reservations. I
drank too much wine that night. Martina went to bed. I
started writing. I wrote \"O Brother Where Art Thou\" on
piece of paper in the kitchen. We flew here. I didn't cry
on the plane. A fat man next to me was taking up too much
room. My sister and her husband and their new baby drove
12 hours in one day and made it here.

My mother wept when she saw me. My mother and sister and I
wept together on Saturday night. I went to my brother's
and checked on his two dogs. What would happen to the
dogs? Where will they go? I sat in the chair in front of
his computer and put my head in my hands and cried. His
ashtray had one cigarette butt in it. There was a glass of
water on the table next to his couch. I wandered around
his house. There were tissues in the garbage can with
spots of blood on them. There were lots of spots and lots
of tissues. I wanted to keep everything that was my
brothers. There were dishes in the sink. I washed them
two days later and carefully placed them in the drain
board. As I left that day I looked at the stack of cd's on
the table. On top was the soundtrack from "O Brother Where Art

The funeral was Sunday. Martina held me the night before
that day. I didn't want to believe this was happening. My
law partner came. He came all the way here. I read the obituary. On
the front page was an article about the hit single "O Brother
Art Thou" The world was weird and tilted. I sat in the
front seat with Carl the undertaker. I walked in to the
funeral home. They ran out of chairs. I sat next to
Martina and behind Mom. I hugged my brother's step-
mother. I hugged my brother's sister who was not my
sister. I shook my brother's father's hand. Everyone had
red eyes. There were tears dropping on my hands. I had
the weird feeling that people were watching me. I hadn't
had that feeling for years. I remembered having that
feeling as a child. I remembered when I started feeling
that way. It was when Laurie died. I never knew that
before. I remembered not crying when my sister died.

We went to the cemetary. I wondered if I should smoke a
cigarette. I thought that Mark would have said \"who the
hell cares what anyone thinks and satisfied that he
wouldn't judge me, I smoked a cigarette.\" We sat looking
at the coffin. They buried him in his jeans and
suspenders. There were still tears dropping on my hands.
And I felt so cold and my legs were shaking. Martina
right, Bill left. I looked at the ground. The minister
spoke and read a letter from Mark's cousin. Everyone filed
past my family and his family who were in the front row. I
was in the second row. I had to get away.