Diary of the Family Dracul
2001-12-13 03:07:38 (UTC)

The Fast and the Furious

Well Diary, I've done it again. Making an ass outta myself
seems to be my only talent at this point. Stupid me pulled
a Loser. You see, Monday I had rehearsal for the musical,
but my biology teacher was holding a study for the
Alternative Assesment that same afternoon. So stoopid me
told Mrs. Grooms I'd be late and went to the study instead.
Oh boy.
When I entered the room, guess who was following right
along with me? You guessed it: Kyle Rankin and Bobby
Fisher. Jeez. Yeah, yeah I know, why didn't I just bail,
right? I should have, or should I have? The two guys, the
two REALITIES. And I'm not talking Kyle Steele mind
illusions here, I'm talking about something real, at least
that's what my mind had kept trying to convince me of. Ok,
so you need a little history. When I first moved here, one
of the only guy friends/rivals I had was Robert Fisher. We
hated each other, but in the good way. People thought we
were dating up until eighth grade. I knew he liked me and
after awhile, I grew to like HIM that way, too. Oh we never
said anything to each other about it, but there was this
silent, mutual agreement sort of thing resting there. Then,
one day I looked up to speak, and he stopped answering.
He'd found a new crowd, a better crowd, a POPULAR crowd. So
it ended there. I hated him every day after that. Or so I
try to convince myself.
The story with Rankin? Last year, during lunch, Kelli
sent me to argue with her boyfriend and I nearly bump into
Kyle. He smiles at me and looks at my I.D. card. "
Hello,....Elena Holzum," he said. Charming, to be sure. I
begged Cayce to introduce me to him, and she finally did.
For the rest of the year, we were sorta buddies. When he
saw me in the hall he made an effort to say Hi. I wrote him
little letters about the day, waving to him at lunch.
People thought we were dating. I liked it, but I strayed a
distance, making sure I didn't look like I was TRYING to
make it look like that. One day I saw him in the hall, and
just as it had with Bobby, it stopped. He looked at me. No,
not at me, THROUGH ME. Straight trhough me at the wall
behind me. Done. Over. Finished.
So back to the present. I'm in there for a good 20
minutes. Everytime I say something intelligent, they both
look at me. Kyle says Hi, I pointedly ignore him. He
leaves. Bobby leaves. I am standing with the teacher and
some others, feeling completely miserable. What does that
mean? I know whatever me and Kyle, me and Bobby, could ever
have had is wasted. But, damn......

I can't sit back and wonder why.
It took so long for this to die.
And I hate it when you fake it.
You can't hide it you might as well embrace it.
So believe me it's not easy.
It seems that something's telling me,
I'm in too deep, and I'm trying to keep
Up above in my head,
Instead of going under.