Our Lives are Like a "Friends" Episode, but Without the Couch
Not much of anything new has happened since my last
post... Sunday was spent spending time with my parents,
sister, brother-in-law (that still doesn't sound right to
me, goddammit), and niece, and then sleeping.
Monday at work was just dandy, and after I came home,
Bob, Brian, Jacob came over. Right after they got here, Jon
called on a whim apparently, just because he felt like
talking to me. Commonplace as that sounds, it struck me as
unusual, since none of us usually call each other just to
chat- there's almost always a reason, making plans,
chainging plans, needing a ride, whatever. Jon just said
that he and I don't really talk anymore. I told him it's
not like we don't due to lack of seeing each other- he
could talk to me anytime we're together, which is
frequently, he just doesn't instigate a conversation. I
don't remember why this came up, but I also told him that I
always assumed he didn't care if I was around or not, that
he only hung out with me most times because I was with Jake
and/or Mike and he wanted to be around them. Or because my
house is where everyone seems to merge. I think that
insulted him, and I know it came out worse than it sounded
in my head. I'm not saying he doesn't care about what
happens to me, I just felt like he didn't care if I was
ever around or not.
Anyway, Jacob went to get him and they came back here...
and guess what -didn't- happen?
You guessed it.
We -didn't- talk.
Ok, cut to last night. Brian, Bob and I were supposed to
go watch a practice for Jon/Jake/Bill/Jesse the Psycho's
band, which Jon told me over the phone would be over by
6:30 because Bill had to work.
And, of course, since we tried to organize this in an
orderly fashion, it failed miserably.
First, Brian didn't go to sleep until half an hour AFTER I
left for work yesterday (ah, do I miss that), so he missed
not only the IM i sent him but also Bob calling his cell
and home phone numerous times.
So instead, Bob conned Picard into driving here, which
would have been fine and dandy except the fact that Bob's
sense of direction apparently needs new batteries, and he
got them lost roughly 3 minutes from my house.
So they get here, at it's 6:24, so we said "screw it" about
going to Jesse the Psycho's house for the practice,
figuring we had missed it anyway. I tried calling Chris to
get Jesse's number to check and see if they were really
ending it at 6:30, and - surprise!- Chris was over Jesse's.
Well Jacob and Jon ended up over here anyway, Jake mildly
harassing me about us missing it. I told him that Tweedle
Dee and Dumb (yes, did that on purpose) got here right
before Jon had told me the stupid thing was going to end,
and I couldnt call yada yada yada.
I wanted to talk to Jon, and I could tell he wanted to
talk to me, so I went out for a smoke. He asked if he could
join me, I agreed, of course, and off to the subzero Porch
of Emphazema we went.
I knew what he wanted to talk to me about. So did Kat, so
did Bob- simply because the other night, while we were
talking online, he said he didn't want to talk to me about
it where Bob could read it. That was all the hint I needed,
and them too.
Basically, in a nutshell, it goes like this: Jon and I had,
quite some time ago, directly admitted to liking each
other. It was no huge secret. However, some stuff happened
and after that I wasn't sure how he felt about me... as I'm
sure I've written in here more than once. I never knew for
sure if he cuddled with me during movies because he had
feelings for me or if it was because he felt lonely and I
was there. I liked him, and I liked Bob. I had the distinct
feeling (99.9% right strikes again) that Bob and I would
end up together... so I could have done what I did and had
a good relationship I knew I would be happy in, or I could
have kept both eyes on Jon and waited around for a
relationship which I wasn't even sure would happen. Not
really much of a difficult question, now, is it?
The first thing he said to me, when I finally got him to
talk, was along the lines of: "Well see after I found out
you weren't moving to Florida, I was trying to decide how I
felt about you, and well, last weekend that got aborted."
I am going to speculate here that he wasn't thinking still
about how he felt about me, he was thinking what to do, if
anything, about it. Because if he didn't already know he
liked me, this wouldnt be bothering him.
He also said some other things that kind of branched off
from it, but that was the main thing, and I explained to
him what I just wrote about: it could have gone either way,
but... well, he had a chance and let it go by, we'll leave
it at that.
I have the feeling there's more to it than that, but he
doesn't have to talk to me until he's ready to. He's still
always worried about things getting wierd, and I told him I
won't let them- and that I won't get mad at anything he
says, only what he doesn't say, because I appreciate
honesty even if I dont like whatever the truth may be. I
love Jon dearly, I really do. As a friend. I did have
strong feelings for him rather recently, but I figured they
were all for naught and began to brush them aside even
before Bob told me what he did. After the way things have
happened and how they are now, they've been swept
completely under the carpet. I know how awful that sounds,
but all I mean is that what I felt for Jon other than
friendship is gone now. Ironic thing is, I always thought
he wanted me to get rid of those feelings for him.
Um, my bad.
Well my eyes are drooping, I needs me my sleepies.
Tune in next week to see if Chandler proposes to
Monica or Phoebe... wait, wrong group of people...
Current Music: Blink 182- Adam's Song
Today's Quote: "I can't wait to just see us when we're all
60. I wonder what we'll be doing then..." -me
"Then we'll be able to eat in the Old People's Bickford's
without getting funny looks."- Bob