Squeeb's world
2001-12-12 20:24:04 (UTC)

My wish you...

Well today was our last group therapy class. It was sad to
see it come to an end. And me, the moron that I am, was the
one that opened the flood gates. I was fine until I opened
my mouth and then the tears just started coming... Starting
off our teacher went around the group, speaking to each of
us individually, telling us what he thought of us and what
he wished for us. I was getting all teary-eyed listening to
him talk to the other members and I had to bite my lip when
he finally got 'round to me. "Love. That's what you're
about. That's YOU." And he talked about how good I was at
giving love but his only regret was that I couldn't see how
special I was and that I was worthy to receive love from
other people. "You are a great love-giver, but you need to
learn how to receive it." He went on to talk about Scott. He
addressed him as "the hockey player" which is weird cuz I
don't think I ever said anything about him being a hockey
player but nonetheless... He said that he feels I need to
make a resolution about Scott before I can move on with my
life and freely give my love, be it to Scott or someone
else. And when he was finishing up talking to each of us, he
ended with "My wish for you is..." With me it was: "My wish for
you is that you realize that you are worthy enough to
receive as much love as you give because you give so much of
it and you deserve some of it back." Then when it was my
turn to talk and I was addressing the people who had most
touched me, I opened my mouth and started to cry. I told
them how thankful I was that they let me open up and get all
this stuff off my chest, how I had talked about my
insecurities, the Scott-thing and my fear of losing my best
friend. And how that, with their help, I got a little of
myself back that had been lost somewhere along the way. That
somehow I felt that I wasn't sure if people really loved me,
if I was a loveable person. You know how paranoid I am. But
because of them, I know that, yeah, people do care about me.
Now they want me to go out with them tonight so we'll see if
I can keep my eyes open long enough to do so.

Current mood: exhausted but content
Current music: nothing- some ads on the Wolf