hello kitty cat
2001-12-12 16:53:05 (UTC)

Can't you see that I am not afraid...

So far today has been really shitty...I woke up and
couldn't remember when I had to get up for school...even
though I get up at the same time every morning....It was
weird cause it's almost like I didn't recognize the time.
It was alarm goes off at 6:40...I woke up to the
Doors..."touch me" I didn't get out of bed right
away. I could barely walk...I'm so worn out lately. I
almost passed out in the shower. I think I might have a
cold..but it's most likely allergies. I'm so pale too...I
think it's the palest I've ever been. I think I failed my
government test...actually I know I did. But I exempted the
final. So it'll be OK right? I hope my pictures for photo
come camera was fucked up so I'm not sure if they
will...That's all I need...bleh. Nights should be longer. I
think the most sleep I got this week was 5 hrs. I always
get woken up...and when I wake up I want to go clean but
I'm so tired...I can't get up. It's weird cause I was so
uptight about having a clean room and trying my best to
stay ahead of my Dad and Ian to keep the house clean and
now I'm soooooooo sloppy. I think I need a new start. I'm
almost done my Christmas shopping...I'm supposed to call
the Greek (I say Greek so I don't have to say my Mothers
side..) side of my family..they keep leaving me messages
saying to call or email them because they're so worried
about me. I hate to be the one to have to keep in touch
with them....I love them but they know I have school...and
a boyfriend..and friends...and a new job...and I've written
them several emails and they act like they don't get them.
I know they just want me to call them...but it's like I
can't call them every two the sooner I call
the more chance of them asking if I can come to PA for part
of the Christmas break...and frankly I don't want to
go....I want to take Jason to my summer place because it's
so beautiful..and there isn't shit I have to deal with
there...not too much at least..and I do want to take him to
a few places in PA...just because. I want to show him
everything. I want to give him everything...I love him so
much. I can't even put it all into I won't try.
I hate this weather....cold humid rain bleh. I think that I
may get a car by the end of Dec...for real...I don't know
why...I just have a feeling I will have one soon. I think
it may just be wishful thinking lol. I'm so paranoid when I
drive though...I don't know why. I guess it's just knowing
that you have the power to accidentally kill someone that
scares me...I know that sounds strange.

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