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2001-12-11 23:41:44 (UTC)

well... i guess this is the end of it??!!!

dear diary,
ive been calling leon but all i would hear is his stupid
voice mail... i give up.. and why cant i accept the fact
that i need to let go of him??? i love him i really do..
hes the first guy who ever met all the traits i look for in
a guy... his everything made me live.. now i dont know what
to do without him.. i have no idea!

in the other side..im a player.. maybe this is KArma.. i
have leon as my boyfriend.. but i still went out with
querubin.. a guy from work... hes ma first crush there..
hes the guy ma eyes were set on.. and i love him too.. im
just not sure that he loves me back.. we dont but into
anyones life.. its like were dont care about each other but
we still are there... how can that be?? all i look for in a
guy is that he'll always be there for me when i need him..
one who would really care.. but hes the opposite! i told
him im sick and he told me that im stupid gettin maself
into al that pain.. dang that is so freaked up.. i just
cant tell him that because he might break up with me... he
aint the type of man who cares for his gurl... i love him
and i want him to know but.. i dont think that i can tell
him that.. he doesnt care for me..

anyways i asked him about that.. if hes serious with me..
and he said.... "dont chu think that im serious with the
things that im doing now???" well.. if i were to answer..
it really doesnt look like were "us" its not enough.. i
dont want to be too demanding but thats what i need.. thats
my motive... the feeling that i aint alone in everything
that i do.. that i feel that someone is always behind my
back in guiding me.. i want to tell him so bad but im to
afraid that he would breakup with me....

and another thing that i dont like about this is that i
feel like he likes one of my friends... my office mate..
that stupid bitch that lives accross the street.. for me
shes hella ugly and she has a bad attitude.. you cant trust
her with any of your secrets.. he proved it himself... but
i dont know.. in his email to me.. he told me that he
doesnt like that girl flirting with him but now.. i ask him
if shes his friend.. he says yeah there going along with
each other.. mann im so confused.. i need to talk to him
seriously... i hope i cant come up to him and say what i
need.... if only he were leon.. he knows what i need ... he
just cant give all his time because he has too many stuff
to do... hes in college.. im in high school...and he has a
good paying job.. i dont want to be the reason why he needs
to give up those.. wel.. i guess ill just be dealing with
the fact that im not to good enough

one love...
mitchie 21