I blame myself
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2001-12-11 02:08:11 (UTC)

Meet the Jetsons

I don't really know what to say. I am twenty-one years old,
just turned about two months ago. I just got out of the
Army, I am still adjusting to civilian life, i forget what
its like not to have anyone tell you what to do and how to
do it when to do it. i have reached a point in my life
where i have to make choices. Thinking is not my strong
My dad always told me to think before i act, never do
anything on impulse. Being a hot-tempered Italian and
diagnosed w/ADD at eight years old, that usually applies to
every decision or action that i have ever committed myself
to. I have done much that i regret in my life, most have
affectted others very negatively. As far as i know, i am
only responsible for the death of one person. I killed him
very slowly, he is gone, even as he writes the words you
see. I hate only one person, to the point where i activly
seek the destruction of him. No it's not my father (being
a Gen-Xer, it's for the most part taken for granted that we
all had a horrible childhood and blame our parents for my
screwed-up existance), i love my family. i hate him who
has brought pain and misery to my life and has made all
hope vanish from my world, my future forever unattainable--
just beyond my outstretched grasp.
The goal that I hope to acheive through writing in this
journal is to come to some sort of understanding of
myself. I want to learn how to accept myself, to even
learn how to care about me. It's not all about me, but i
am the only one to blame for my situation. I hope to have
hope, to maybe look in my future to see my future, not just
darkness. "this above all to thy own self be true"
I hope I succeed...