Olivia's Kickin' Diary
2001-12-10 22:31:17 (UTC)

good, bad and everything in between

Yea today was pretty horrid to begin w/ b/c I woke up
thinking about last night... but I cheered up b/c I have
the greatest friends in the world and they are always there
to make me smile! So why was I upset about last night...
well its kinda embarassing b/c of some of the things that
were said but Bob and I got in a huge fight. I was talking
to him on im and I warned him just messing around b/c he
hadnt talked in a few mins and his sn got off.. then
melissa told me he was still on for her so I realized he
blocked me so I felt bad and imed him from every sn I have
and then had to make 9!!! before he would finally talk to
me.. and when he did it wasnt nice!! he was all saying that
he was teaching me a lesson: that obsession is a horrible
thing and it can make a person go crazy.. and that there
was a reason he wasnt talking first I was really ticked b/c
I was like HOW ARROGANT!! and wrote back stuff about how he
thinks hes a god and stuff.. but then I really started
wondering.. he is all I think about and I always just want
to go spend time w/ him.. so maybe I really am? I dont
know.. but anyways.. then he was saying I give him mixed
feelings and he doesnt know how to deal w/ them.. and how
all I talk about is looks, sex, etc .. which is only true
when Im trying to make him laugh.. then I think he realized
how bad I felt and started apologizing and stuff.. and then
I found out that when he said he liked me and wished I
lived in N Syracuse or whatever was just him saying that so
that I wouldnt stop being friends w/ him.. and I told him
that obviously I liked him for a reason and wouldnt stop
liking those things about him just b/c he didnt feel the
same way about me as I do about him and he said keyword:
liked.. and got off.. so Im afraid he thinks I meant I dont
want to be friends anymore.. which is so not true.. I was
so cried out last night.. I cried from the very beginning
w/ the whole obsession thing until I fell asleep and then I
woke up thinking about it and cried again but not for long
b/c I realized that Im glad that he told me the truth b/c
now I know where he stands.. I feel much better now that I
know the truth.. the truth isnt always what I want but its
better than being lied to and lead on.. but anyways thats
that.. I wanted to call him tonight to finish clearing all
that up but Im scared.. I wont know what to say and I dont
want to let him know that I cried.. it would just make me
look that much more "obsessed" so Im thinking Im going to
give it a while before i try to talk to him.. but Im afraid
that if I do that he'll really think that I dont want to be
friends now.. Im just torn.. who knows what to do..

diff story: during church yesterday my pastor was being a
total jerk about the sound system so he was really making
me angry.. then he starts his sermon and goes into how
there is no such thing as Santa Claus! IN FRONT OF EVERY
there any longer-- I got up and walked out in the middle of
service. I mean that is LOW! He has NO RIGHT to destroy
little kids dreams like that. It is up to the parent to
decide when the kid is ready to know the truth. I was so
angry.. I dont see where he gets off saying that. I
decided that I will NOT go back to that church for another
service.. I will go for youth group but I dont want to hear
that man preach ever again! He's not worth my time!

So what else? umm.. I love Melissa. I seriously want her
to live here! That girl and I could have so much fun
together!! We decided that she's going to come stay @ my
house and go to a dance w/ me and then I'm going to go stay
@ her house and go to another show w/ her. I cant wait to
get my license. I will seriously spend all my time in
Syracuse.. sure its a drive and lots of gas but its well
worth it if u ask me! Melissa is the sweetiest girl ever!
and Ryan is a total cutie! and then theres bob-- if that
friendship is savable-- I really hope it is..

Yea Cory just said he likes my hair spikey! that makes me
happy b/c I so wanna cut it again!!

Umm what else? Emmily came over last night... that was
fun. I love having her around.. Shes so much fun.. and we
took like a god-zillion pics.. hehe.. very entertaining!

Yea.. Im not sure if my mom knows about the whole me being
upset about the change thing.. I know she has talked to
Michelle but I dont know if she told her or not. I hope
not. I dont want her to know that thats why Im trying to
change back...

I cant think of anything else..