Pandora

Finals, Fasting and Failure

12/10/01

1:30 p.m.
So now that I have gained weight and finals are approaching and
they have me so scared that my way of dealing with them is to not
study and eat until I am comforted, I feel like shit. So I've
decided to begin a liquid fast (today) that will last until it is
time to go home. That will solve many things:
(1) System cleasing (I feel SO dirty right now)
(2) General well-being (I'll be able to focus when I feel cleaner);
and
(3) The whole weight thing (I don't even want to go there)
I went to Santa Barbara and noticed that everyone had put on
weight. That doesn't make me feel better. Especially after the
Kwanzaa thing. I learned why dancers have flawless bodies: it's a
visual art. Given the movement and the costumes, any body fat is
magnified; even thinner girls look a little thicker. I think I'm
gonna have to be a size 4. Great.
So diets aren't working. Looks like I'm gonna have to go back
to restricting and fasting; fasting at least two days a week. On to
more disordered eating...