sweetaddiction

~*~*~*~
2001-12-10 18:08:23 (UTC)

untied.

i just got back from taking my final with was giving a
speech.

"dont worry. really. talking is one thing you excel at."

-yes. yes. because you know me...no. thats right. you dont.
at all.

i got a 87 though =) so i am very happy. thats a b and
hopefully after i give my other speech on thurs i can at
least get a b or a c in the class for my final grade.
hopefully.

my cell phone is stupid and im mad. im mad at it. and i
want to hit it. but that really wouldnt be very
effective...so. i wont.

i feel like i havent spoken with emily in awhile.
im sure that is just because i have been so busy with
school and all of that shit.
i guess when there is a period of time when im doing things
that i really dont want to be doing and im doing a lot of
that all at one time i end up missing the few things in
life which bring me happiness. like friends and significant
others. like my baby.

i feel strange though. about sandy. im done. and its weird.
and talking to her last night just made me realize a lot of
things. and its sad...it is.
but anyway...way enough of that.

sometimes i think i AM emotionally involved with too many
people.
but then again i think we all are.
just...some people display it less than others.

but now. now im feeling really uninvolved with people that
i used to be connected to.
and i think i made the wrong assumption of assuiming that
if i felt one way that would be the way it would be. but
its really not like that. even i changed. you know. i mean
yes i still care about people. of course. and i always
will. but...i am not the same person i was to them. you
know. i HAVE changed. and i believe for the better.
but...so have they. and when all of this change and stuff
gets in the way it doesnt really change feelings i guess.
but it changes situations and all of that tends of change
the degree of emotions...
feelings.
and its weird.
i feel like ive lost that binding string with christina.
sandy. alli. even adrienne. all of them. and...i feel like
even though i can still be their support in situations
where they need me.
they could never be it for me. not anymore...
and. thats an odd feeling.
maybe this is all a part of maturing and growing up.
but part of me feelings almost as if im betraying them in a
way.
because i dont need them now.
and i dont.

im feeling very self supporting
but at the same time
a little vulerable.

i think this is good though...
letting go. i guess. maybe its not...
but i really think that this will make room for other
things.
things i can find by myself. for myself.
and maybe even make a little room for other people in my
life.
even though i know that love isnt a set amount. that its
multiplied.
but i really think...
im more open to other influences now.
and yeah.
thats a very good thing.