My Life
2001-12-10 15:08:48 (UTC)

My tree is up!

Saturday was really nice, I didn't have anything I had to
do, so I worked around the house and it felt good to just
clean up and do things to make my house look nice. And I was
complaining that I didn't have any Christmas music and I
received a card that had a Christmas CD included! See how
God takes care of me.
So Terry came over for dinner Sat. night, he was on the road
until about 3 pm. but made it to my house around 6:30, i was
really nervous for some reason about making him dinner and I
don't think I did my best cooking. Everything was fine but I
thought the chicken was too dry, the fettucine sauce broke
and I wasn't happy with it, but he seemed to like dinner, it
was nice, it was comfortable, it was fun.
Then we went in his truck and picked up a Christmas tree,
and what is funny is that he hates real trees. He doesn't
like the mess, the smell, the pine needles on his socks, he
use to hate having to help mom bring in the tree and clean
up after it. Even his mother was surprised he was going to
help me. So he put it in the truck and then he was teasing
me because his hands smelled like pine. Then he brought it
in and we got it set up (which was sooo much easier with the
two of us). Then we started decorating and it was all new to
him, especially my tree, which is pink and silver, very
foo-foo looking. He calls it an LA tree! But the best part
was we really had fun while decorating the tree and I was
glad to share it with him and it was really cool.
So then we were done and I was so happy because now I feel
like it's Christmas, because I have a beatiful tree to look
at. So then we watched some TV, I had taped a show for him
during the week and then I messed up and taped over it so we
couldn't watch that. So we watched SNL and then we kissed
and stuff and kind of napped, which was really nice. He was
so tired after working all week so I debated if I should
wake him or not. I wasn't going to wake him but i was cold
and wanted to get under the covers, I told him he could stay
if he wanted to, he thought about it, but decided he should go.
Once again we got to a certain point in our kissing and
things were going to go farther but I again got scared. We
were both pretty bothered and he knew something was
bothering me, he asked me what i was thinking, and i told
him i didn't know how to talk about it. He didn't push it.
That's what I like about him, he doesn't push me but he's
always there. If I wanted to talk about it he'd be there,
but if I wasn't ready, he's still there.
Saturday a.m. when I woke up, I started thinking about him
and the possibility of us being intimate and how my feelings
are getting deeper and how i'm afraid to be intimate, or
hurt again and I just started bawling. I cried because I
have real feelings for him and I'm getting closer to him and
I want us to be happy together and I want to show him my
feelings but I'm also so scared to be that vulnerable again.
We'll work it out. Things happen the way they should.
Sunday I went flying with my guy cousin and his instructor.
It was a 4 seater prop plane and it was SO COOL! I sat up
front first with the instructor, we flew up to Superior, WI,
it was so beautiful up there, the weather was perfect, it
wasn't freezing in the plane, I got to fly the plane a
little too, we asceneded about 100 feet and we went to the
right and the left, it was so cool! Then we landed and had
some lunch at the airport, and then we flew back, i was in
the back this time, it was still so beautiful and relaxing.
The sun was in my face and I could have taken a nap i was so
relaxed. It was a great experience and I hope to go again.
He's a great guy, and I always enjoy spending time with him.
It was a great weekend!