* Karlie *

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2001-12-10 07:06:41 (UTC)

Worst time of my life

Well... true george and I said that we weren't going to do
anything but lately we have. Right after we decided not to
get involved we were being pretty good about it but it
didnt last too long... last monday I got so drunk I went
over there and we made out a lot... right after I fell
asleep on his bed as he finish his report... lol. And then
on thursday I went over there to type a paper and him and
dan were drinking so dan offered me a beer so I decided
what the hell I might as well ya know so I ended up having
a little more than three and I got so FUCKED I mean that
was the most wasted I think I have ever been! George was
like "I think you should stay here tonight" and I was just
like O.K. George and I made out like I haven't made out
with someone in a long time... probably since mike! I
remember very little of what happened that night... I do
remember george was on top of me when we were making out
and david walked into the room and I dont think that I was
wearing anything from the waist down because I remember
hearing david say "omg im so sorry" and I think that he
walked out cause george tried covering me with his body.
Then David came back in and I don't think he knew it was me
cause he couldn't see my face cause of how I was laying on
the bed so he was like "hey I'm dave" I was soooo
embarrassed I kept my face hidden and the thing is, is that
I dont remember seeing anything. I think I had my eyes
closed cause all I remember is hearing stuff. It was
pretty bad! And after that George and I kept making out and
then I guess I just eventually fell asleep but I dont
really remember what happened. Then I woke up at 7 and
went back to my dorm. I ended up throwing up that morning!
UGH! Then I noticed I had a huge hickey on my neck!! and a
bunch of other people noticed too... Then that night
(friday) I decided I did not want to hang out with them
because I felt weird about the night before so I went out
with Jenn to a frat party with dani and sean over to this
guy Poe's place in UP. That was pretty fun. We drank but I
felt really sick so I didnt drink that much... I just got a
little buzzed. We ended up going to Wal Mart that night at
like 2 it was so funny cause Poe wanted to buy a vacuum and
I bought food cause I didnt want to get sick again...
anyway when I got back to my dorm I started talking to
George online and I was like "how are you" and he was
like "karla this has been the worst night of my life" He
got caught drinking in his room so now hes losing his
housing! This sucks sooo much I mean what am I going to
do... Im so upset. I really don't want him to go! I ended
up going over there at 5 in the morning... he was soooo
upset I mean he was really depressed. We ended up making
out again and I woke up with a few more hickeys UGH! and
then he went to play football that morning and he fucked up
his knee so he went to the hospital today (sunday) and now
hes on crutches! I feel so bad for him cause he has had
such a bad weekend! I mean I can't believe he isn't coming
back second semester. I'm so mad! Yesterday was such a bad
day for me... I cried soooo much. I've been crying so much
again lately! I mean I think there was about 2 weeks this
year when I haven't cried that much and that was like
thanksgiving and a little bit after. But now its just been
bad! I mean I haven't been doing anything. I feel like a
lazy piece of shit. I just always feel soooo blah. I get
so frustrated with myself. I hate the way I look, I hate
the way I feel and I hate the way things are going! I am so
glad that I'm going home next monday for winter break.
Hopefully things will get better but that's what I've been
saying since the beginning of the year and guess what! It
isn't.. its just getting worse! Why can't things just work
out? Why can't I just feel happy?? I don't know what to
do... I guess I just have to wait it out. I still need to
lose weight but with everything going on and the way ive
been feeling I havent been very successful but when I go
home I'll be able to pick and make my own food so hopefully
that will help! I wish that George would change his mind
about us... but right now with everything going on I really
really doubt it... oh well. I really hope things get