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2001-12-10 06:52:07 (UTC)


Sometimes while wondering through this life I wonder if
I am doing the right things. I am still continuing with my
education at WOU, and find the art department a little
unnerving.I feel like i'm not getting what I need out of my
education here. I don't know, but then there's my boyfriend,
and that's a whole other problem in itself. Clay and I have
abeen togeather for a little over two years and do not live
togeather yet, but that's ok. He just moved into his first
appartment, so I can understand that part of it.He never
apoligizes for anything, even if it's his fault. A week ago
I wouldn't stand for it and made him apoligize to me for
things that were said and it was like pulling teeth.He
finally said,"alright, I apoligize."There was no i'm sorry
involved included, and this was after waiting around twenty
minutes before he even said anything.Another thing that
really frustrates me is the sex. I'm lucky if we have it
twice a month. I hate it and get so annoyed, I have found
lately that i'm starting to hate my self as well. I don't
like myself and hardly have any self confidence anymore. A
girl at a party the other day told me I shouldn't worry
because i'm beautiful. I was more than flattered to hear her
say this, considering I don't haer it to often anyways. My
boyfriends friends compliment me more than he does.
I know that I have listed all of the bad things and
should look at the good things in our relationship.Well, as
i've been evaluatimg it I really can't find too many good
things in our relationship.I weigh 170, so i'm a little
overweight but not too much considering that i'm 5'9.I am
just very frustrated with my life right now, and wish that
he would show more signs that he still loves me and were
willing to go that extra mile if he needed to.It always
seems to me that he wont do anything if it's just for me
there has to be some other worthy cause involved.
The problem is that I sometimes don't realize that he
tries so hard but I just don't realize it. Usually I look
right through it.Plus I couldn't leave him if I wanted to, I
love him too much. He is such an important part of my life,
and I really want to work some things out.

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